Ice Cream Maker Ends Up In Garage Sale

Lincoln, NE -- After just one use, Dolly McMaster, 44, decided the thing just was no use. "We had fun trying to make ice cream, I have wonderful pictures of the event. All three kids were covered in ice cream. It was not staying creamy, so I never packed it to put in the freezer. My sister told me it gets kind of icy."

The main problem seemed to be getting cream. There is whipping cream and half and half. But none of it is really fatty enough to make creamy, solid ice cream. The next family can have the rock salt too, since we are done with winter here in Lincoln.

Andersson Misplaces Codpiece

Bremen, Germany -- Ian Andersson, frontman for the Jethro Tull show that he has been touring with ("not Jethro Tull"), realized that he lost his stage codpiece sometime after Kawasaki but before Paderborn yesterday. Faced with a lot of tour dates, Ian simply had to improvise with a pair of socks.

"It has some sentimental value, as I have played Aqualung with that codpiece on a thousand times, but I realize it will be a collector's item if someone finds it," explained Ian.

Nebraska Orienteers Seek Landmarks

Rushville, NE -- Area orienteering enthusiasts Bill and Matt are seeking donations of landmarks from other counties and states. They have mapped every rock and tree in the area they practice orienteering in, but they hope to organize orienteering events for out of towners.

"People are used to some landmarks. I did some orienteering last year in Scotland. They had more trees and such and valleys. We started at a castle and ended the race there, so that was really cool for me. I don't have the funds to import a castle, but we need some big rock or other object, even man made, that we can set up the registration table at. The city blocked us from using the water tower, and who wants a water tower anyway. I started a race at a water tower in South Dakota just last year. Those people will all come to our event." Bill is still optimistic.

Matt was not present for the interview but texted us that he has a dump truck from a quarry available for two days and can haul your monument or landmark from as far as Ohio.

Enterprising Man Sells Cures for Cheap and finds Niche Market

Galilea, ca. 30 AD -- Enterprising Galilean Moshe Joseph has been hanging out where Jesus and his followers preach and heal.

After the famous entourage leaves, Moshe has been hanging out to sell coal tar products for those that did not have the nerve to be cured by miracles.

Asked about guarantees, Moshe explains: "If you are near death, go to Jesus. Otherwise, my coal tar remedies are more cost effective. You can take them home to your sick relatives. Or I can have them delivered. Money back one year guarantee. Some ailments need repeated application."

Abdul Who?

Oxford, MS -- Mrs Olive J., land lady for students residing at 135½ Wilbur Harrison St., did not know anyone named Abdul and did not recognize the picture for the "perosn of interest" that the men in black suits were seeking.

"My student is Muhammad something, just like Muhammad Ali. I don't rememeber his last name cause I can't pronounce it. But I have the contract in the bank if you need it."

At that she slammed the door and went back to her afternoon coffee and three Oreo cookies.

Club Mosses Mock Plants That Just Showed Up

The Devonian, Gondwana -- On a wet hillside, club mosses have grown for eons. Handsome stalks with leaf like projections sticking out. Then just this spring these leafy things showed up! Popping up on the upland side of a ditch, the leafy things grew from seeds, they guess.

"But who do they think they are? This it the devonian. We might get some new conifers here soon, but this leaf business is totally whacko. We understand these plants will drop the leaves in the fall. What's the point in that? It's like those needles the conifers keep dropping on us."

Ferns they totally understand, but those leaves are much more practical. What will these guys on the upland hillock do next? Grow flowers? Where are your friends the bees? Wait for the tertiary eras. Get back where you belong! 

Fat Person Has Tattoos Removed

Tulsa OK -- Area woman, "Paula", had all her tattoos removed from her legs.

"Yes, they served no purpose anymore. I got them when I was young skinny. My husband has pictures of them. We got the same tattoos. I love my husband and his tattoos, but mine just had to go,"

Paula was not ready to show the legs yet. There were light scars "and I'll lose some weight I think."