Town Ostracizes Mystery Writer

Cabot Cove ME -- Finally coming to their senses, the town of Cabot Cove , Maine, decided to cut off nearly all communications with the famous writer. The people she gets to know on a personal basis always get murdered.

The town will allow her to keep in touch with the local police. In the event of a murder, citizens will communicate with Jessica Fletcher strictly for the duration of the murder investigation.

Expecting couple reject key-chain-name.

Eureka, MO – Ross and Michelle McDaniel rejected their current favorite name for a daughter to be born in two weeks. They had just finished the afternoon at the local 6 Flags amusement park, where Ross’s employer, The Anderson Financial Group, had one picnic grove reserved for the annual company picnic. On their way out, they stopped at a Warner Brothers themed gift shop. Michelle was only looking for some nice baby clothes with colorful cartoon characters, when she saw the key-chain stand. "Ross honey, come right here", she said, holding up a key chain with the name Gabrielle on it. Ross was speechless, as they wanted an unusual name, such as Gabrielle. Previously, several months ago, Hannah and Abigail were rejected for the same reason. "We’ll think of something. I’m not approving Fiona or Bjork. We don’t even use umlauts here." Ross was unable to pronounce Björk correctly.

Prairie Chicken tactics on again

Having borrowed his strutting among world leaders from the behavior of grouse at leks, Trump will use his successful pushing out chest technique when the meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is agreed upon and a new date is set. Trump will pose with little Kim, towering over him in all photo-ops.

Birds are singing in the rain, discovers Seattle Bird Dude

Area birder Bill has been staying hone in May and June when it rains. He did go out in the early part of the year with an Audubon group, but it was miserable to look for sea birds in the heavy rain.

He is a businessman, semiretired, and says he "does not know this biology and ecology stuff." Just now he is picking out the habitats of area song birds for nesting. "They quit singing when the eggs hatch, I think."

Bill has been carrying a smart phone with apps and spent three hours in rain listening to birds, pulling out the smart phone in gaps in the rain. "I also discovered nice Wellingtons and wool socks. I went to the store where the hunters go. That's where I upgraded from Nikons to Swarowskis too."

The big surprise was that "birds don't quit doing their bird stuff just cause it rains a little." Bill got both Willow and Alder flycatchers, pretty good for a second year birder. He is working on the other two Empidonax species, Pacific Slope and Cordilleran. He just has to go to Olympia national park for the first one.

"They go suweeat and pit-peet, but they both have a high thin peet as well."

We'll leave you to it Bill. Bill has discovered what many birders do: their spouse is just not quite into it so much. His wife likes waterfowl and cranes, which Bill showed her on a trip to Idaho. She does not care for any bugs at all, so the Pacific rain forest is out of the question for trips to bring her.

Gun Nut Thinks Bike Helmets are for Pussies

Colorado unicorporated township: Area gun nut and trade show dealer Ed Brennan thinks bike helmets are for pussies. "I never had one when I was a kid and I fell off plenty of times."

The family just got some new bikes in Denver for the kids and the dealer threw in free helmets and gloves. Ed went and inspected both right away.

"The gloves seem handy, as you are going to fall off and scrape your hands and knees. But I read the paperwork in the helmet box, and guess what? CPSC!"

What?

"You know, the Consumer Products Safety Commission, regulators! Who is the government to tell me what to wear on my head? I might duct tape some styrofoam to my head if I was really worried. These helmets went to trash."

So what do you think of all the bicyclist in Boulder near here riding bikes with helmets?

"It's their choice, but helmets are for pussies."

And your kids are safe riding now?

"Yeah, just like I was as a kid. Here they are riding with my sister and Bill."

So you don't have a working bike yourself?

"Nah. I ride a motorcycle. And my kids will be driving cars when they get old enough. My son is already driving the tractor a little."

How's That Trump Working Out For You?

Rancher Ed Davis, 75, is proud to have voted for Trump in an attempt to get The Government out of Montana.

How is this Trump era working out for you?

Ed: Well, he's just getting started. I wanted the EPA and the BLM out of Montana completely. We wanted them to do whatever thing they are still doing by computer, and keep them computers out of the state. But really, we don't need either of them. Just give the federal land to Montana, we will deal with it.

But Glacier National park, you are not going to do much ranching there.

Ed: We could. We just need global warming to get rid of the glaciers.

You don't really believe in global warming? You libertarians have a sense of humor?

Ed: You got me.

I see. And the EPA?

Ed: You want to deal with cow poop? It's natural. We don't use any chemicals so the EPA can just get out of here.

And the waterways? Is the federal government allowed to deal with rivers and water supply?

Ed: Certainly not.

And the FDA? You will need to export your beef out of state to make a living.

Ed: The FDA can inspect it all they like, as soon as the product is out of Montana.

Well, good talking to you Ed, clears up completely why you voted for Trump.

Tree Hugger finds plant DNA in his Ancestry profile

Tree hugger Dan Kowalski, 35, was overjoyed to find some special DNA that links him to plants. He had to pay a double fee for his DNA test, but it was worth it.

"I had them look at the junk DNA too, but only very corrupt genes were there for Photosystem I and II of modern plants. The bits there looked more like cyanobacteria, and they were short."

So why the excitement?

"My Krebs cycle enzymes, you know the ones that help oxidize carbohydrates and convert that energy to basically ATP, are closer to plant enzymes than those of 90% of other people."

That's something, then?

"Yeah, it's a big deal for me."

But you still need to eat plants for food?

"I could eat animal fats if I wanted to."