Trump to deport all people of Antifian origin

Antifa supporting terrorists have been making a big problem for law enforcement in Minneosota and big cities all across the US.

These people seem to have bonded with African Americans and other minorities. But Trump will now be revoking citizenship from all people of Antifian origin.

"We will send them back to their Antifa...nation. This will take priority to deporting Mexicans."

The Mexicans are apparently not a priority now that they are a major work force in meat packing plants and chicken factories all across the middle of the USA. The wall will be built in the second Trump term, nevertheless.

Executive Order Declares Pandemic is Over, Parade on 4th of July

President Trump has signed an executive order declaring the coronavirus epidemic to be over. You are free to go about all your normal business without masks.

Any further deaths from the virus will be minimal. They do not even need to be investigated, they are just respiratory infections.

June will be perfectly normal and in July Trump has ordered another military style parade and there will be plenty of speakers, bands and all kinds of fun for Americans.

Trump Will Tax All Viruses from China

In an unprecidented move, President Trump has announced that he will tax all viruses from China. "This Coronavirus, it is Chinese. We are going to tax it."

"We are going to use American viruses from now on. We have our National Institute of Health working on a new virus to replace the Chinese Coronavirus. When we develop our own virus, we can develop the vaccine for it at the same time. Distributing the virus and then vaccinating all our people will provide a tremendous income for America. We will also make ours safer, so you can travel in an airplane. It will not affect most working age Americans. It will only infect people who are buying Chinese goods."

But sir, most of our consumer goods come from China.

"You will have to buy shoes and things made in Vietnam. And get those Samsung phones. Samsung Electronics is running six mobile phone manufacturing facilities in the six countries of Vietnam, China, India, Brazil, Indonesia, and Korea. So I will get a sticker put on all those phones made in China."

To achieve the taxation, all people tested positive for a Chinese virus will pay a 500 dollar fine.

Trump Decides To Give Our Foreign Aid to America

These foreign countries have been getting a free ride for years. The Democrats just give away our money to foreign countries. No more! Those billions are going to America now, says Trump.

The exception will be Israel, whose aid will only be cut in half. Any excess military supplies will also be sold at cost and with free shipping, for orders over 25 dollars.

The saved money will be spent to keep resorts, amusement parks and hotels in business for the next year or two. Mar-a-Lago will get it's calculated share, compared to other resorts of its kind. The biggest individual stimulus will go to Disney parks in Florida, with a lesser amount to California, which first has to remove all the homeless people within 10 miles of Disneyland. Orlando parks will all get the same amount. Hotels around the resorts will be able to give all rooms at 50 dollars, with stimulus money making up the rest.

Our People In Mud Homes Were More Developed Than Yours!

Museums in Ruthenia and Pottsylvania have declared war, each declaring themselves the mud home innovators. Both museums are opening exhibits about life in mud homes starting five thousand years ago, with the mud homes of the 1800s as the ultimate mud technology. The exhibits will both open on New Year's Day.

The Ruthenian mud home at its peak before modern construction methods started competing.

Mud houses are still popular solutions for first time home owners there.

Area Hypochondriac Can't Get Out of COVID-19 Rut

Boston, MA -- Area hypochondriac Chris Matthews, 35, has been thinking about the pandemic a lot. In the days before that, he might have new symptoms every week. each disease was a neat new thing to study.

Now, he has some variable symptoms, but as soon as he coughs a few times, he thinks "coronavirus."

The other symptoms are there, and he does drift off to think of neurological causes. But when you add it all together, it always spells coronavirus.

Even clearing symptoms does not help. A few days of that, and Chris remembers that "you can have this virus for days and days and never have symptoms." The worst is, lack of symptoms and having the illness anyway produces no symptoms at all for him to enjoy for a few days. And what is a day without symptoms for a hypochondriac? A total loss.

Chris was worried enough for a while to call up the telephone number his insurance company gave him to call if he thought he had COVID-19. It went well enough when he described the symptoms. But then he was asked to go to drive through testing. Those people have seen sick people all day! No amount of hand sanitizer and masks would help Chris face this testing. Plus you would take the mask off to be swabbed. No way!

Mail-in-ballots: Trump says Democrats will sign two ballots, two hands

Enraged at all the voter fraud carried out by Democrat voters in 2018, President Trump brought to light the likely scenario at the November election:

"The Democrats will continue their usual tricks. In 2018, they voted, went to the car and changed hats. Then they voted again. Now they will obviously do this with write-in-ballots. They will vote with one hand on their own. Then they will sign a bogus vote with their other hand. They tell me this has happened in Detroit."

Curiously, he may be right in one case. Suppose you live with one of those 100 000 people that will have died of COVID19 by November. The ballot comes in through the mail. Of course you send that ballot in. It was Trump that killed them after all.