Bachelor Throws Out Sock

Erie, PA -- Area bachelor Eric Maitz, 29, has been hoping to recover the pair of the dark sock for two months. "No luck, I live alone and I have used all the other clothing by now. It's not going to be inside a sweater." Eric figures the sock was lost at his girlfriend's and he's not going to call her about a sock. He wants to leave a good impression, even though she

dumped him. "I had packed a t-shirt, boxer shorts and those socks I guess over that one weekend I spent there." Or maybe the missing sock was one he wore and kicked under her bed. Socks don't make good rags, especially if they are not cotton.

Fall Of 1962: Guitar Groups On Their Way Out

The Beatles had recorded six songs by Oct 1962. By November Please Please Me was redone, for 63 release.

Guitar groups were on their way out and your name is ICKY. And Liverpool is for hicks.

Capitol was rejecting nearly all records from London. And Parlophone. Cliff Richard was slightly known in the US but no big seller. Capitol in Hollywood did release one Parlophone record: Mrs Mills at the piano with singalong music. It sold about 100 copies.

THE BEACH BOYS had recorded an entire album in Oct of 1962. And Capitol released it, all 25 minutes of it. Surfin Safari was a minor hit.

The Beatles were unaware of it, though they followed New York and Motown records pretty closely.

It took another year and by Jan 1964 a song was released, with February national TV( Ed Sullivan Show) coverage,  I Want To Hold Your Hand was released by Capitol. Hand holding music from England had arrived. Perhaps Capitol was going to cover two guitar groups from this point on.

Kari had heard of the Beatles by 1963, but having never bought records, took it slowly. It was not till 1964 when he spent some money meant for model trains and parts for three singles on Finnish Parlophone. He may have been 11 by the time these records were in hand. English was a foreign language but some of the sounds were easy, like Help and Twist he certainly knew, but not Shout.

Songwriter Walking The Floor Over Her

Nashville -- Area songwriter Earl ”Mac” Davis has a had a hard time writing songs since his Bob Seger song failed. His last girlfriend Elsie left three months ago and he did get the Empty House song out of that.

Now he has a new girlfriend Maggie who is a flight attendant. She was working the weekend and won't be back till Monday. They will have Christmas together. The food is in Earl's freezer, they just have to defrost and heat it. She'll be home the 24th and they will have the dinner together. Then after presents on the 25th she is off again to Milwaukee and some third place and back, so most of Christmas Earl will be walking the floor over her again, till late at night.

earl used to follow flight tracker on her flights the first week of their relationship, but all he could do is look at the screen and drink coffee. Earl has only flown once to Orlando and back.

"There's gotta be a song here, but I don't write songs about women I'm still with," remarked Earl.

Grandma Posts First Ever FB Photo

Lima, OH -- Grandma June, 75, managed to take a picture of all her grandkids who came to visit. She had her own picture on the FB page, but her daughter had put that in. "I made an album called Album and then I just uploaded a picture from one of them electronic things that looks flat and comes out of the camera. I was so excited." She does not usually take it out even, just takes it to Walgreens to develop ten or twenty prints.

Lump Of Coal Or Worse

Saint Nicholas comes from a long line of legends. In Finland Joulupukki would bring presents, but the bad kids got a beating from him. In other places this job is subcontracted to a side kick. 

In Switzerland Santa is known as Samichlaus in the German speaking parts of the country.  This sidekick is Schmutzli in the German part of the country and Père Fouettard  in French. He carries a broom of twigs to administer punishment to children who have not been bad.

In othe places in Europe, the assistant is Čert or Knecht ruprecht’ or Zwarte Piet (lowest pic) who carries you to hell or Spain in a sack. Merely showing the sack might help the bad kids survive another year.

Krampus is seen riding in the sleigh and  and Schmutzli next to Santa.

God Driving Poorly

Witchita, KS -- On a recent visit to fundamentalist territory to inspect how things were going in person, God had an urge to do stuff humans do, just for the experience.

"Move along folks", said officer O'Connel. God ran into a tree with his Jeep and they have taken him to the nearest hospital. He is expected to recover to an all powerful state in a week. God did not carry health insurance.

He was just testing his free will, and had never taken driver ed. Officer Mitch O'Connel respected him and never asked for a license. The car was a rental and was insured. The credit card was in the name of John H. Smith to a bank in the Bahamas. The credit card payment cleared, but the bank has disappeared. There is not even a building at the given address.

Conspiracy Theorist: Oxygen is "After Me"

Boise, ID -- Area conspiracy theorist David McCallum, 43, has been hoarding guns and supplies for years. He now has decided the government is out to oxidize him. "They are going to use oxygen, so it will be hard to trace."

Mbuti Girl Refuses To Eat Monkey Anymore

Ituri Forest, Congo --  The first Mbuti girl, Bakira, refused to eat monkey on Monday this week. She went and picked some mushrooms instead. Not only is it the first girl to refuse monkey, she is the first to refuse precious protein food ever.

Journalists spoke to the elders in the nearby Lese (farming) village, and located the girl in the Lese village, who has been spreading these crazy ideas to Mbuti and Lese girls. She is the eldest daughter of a village chief and cannot be named due to the shame it would bring. No Lese girl other than her has gone through with the threat, and now just one Mbuti.

Suburban Mother Hides Presents

Des Moines, IA-- Peggy Smith, mother of Alice (10) and Kelly (15) hides a good part of the presents she bought this year for Christmas. Her sister Gladys, and family, are flying from Buffalo to spend Christmas with them. They will only bring selected small size presents for their children, aged 4 and 8. Peggy will certainly hide a new PS4 as well as hand held game devices. She could only obtain one copy of that sold out item for Alice through her brother in law Carl, who works at a games store. Both sisters will select gifts for the shared unwrapping event based on strict criteria. Peggy feels Gladys' gifts are too educational and Gladys thinks Peggy buys her children "mindless crap." The husbands will unwrap sensible clothing items.  

The Iggy Pop Condition

Rock star Iggy Pop, 66, filled out his Medicare Part B application this week. No messing with Obamacare for him. On top of that Iggy was happy not to have to list any conditions for it. Thanks, Obama. "I am a fucking pre-existing condition!"

Prior to getting on Medicare, Iggy was always denied health insurance. The "Iggy Pop" condition disqualified him from private insurance.

Aliens Reject Earth

Earth Orbit -- Without actually landing, a team of alien developers have rejected earth as a future location for their species. "We would not exterminate you, as you seem to fear from your fictional accounts that we viewed. No, it was not the mammal population that made our trip out here useless. We are used to warm climates, and could occupy only the very warmest parts of your planet, where we could live in structures without heat or cooling. That, and the actual orbit and the length of your day as well as the too large moon, were the factors that our superiors back home rejected. We have been waiting for a week for their reply due to the vast distance you are from us. The axis tilt of your planet is a bit too big as well. We will report the habitable planet to Galactic Council and collect the small finder's fee. Someone else may come out and investigate now that your galaxy is know to the civilized world."

The leader of the mission, ~~~~^^~~~, stated that the practice that any galactic developer would follow is to wait for the intelligent species of the planet to go extinct before they come in. "Do not fear, primitive mammals."

Meat Puppets CD in Store Comes Close To Selling

Kansas City -- A CD (there for the past six years) in the strip mall store that buys books and media has come out of the case to reorganize the racks, but this week the one and only Meat Puppets CD came out for a whole five minute outing. A customer had some ten 1980s CD's selected, including the Meat Puppets item. The bearded man walked around the store and eventually bought all the CDs, except the Meat Puppets one, left on top of the rack roughly around the M section.

Toto Fan Almost Recovered From Depression

Nashville -- Ed Norton, 48, suffered severe depression in 2010 when Toto broke up. Sure they had broken up before, but this seemed serious. Ed, a shipping clerk at UPS, was obsessed with Toto when they were famous. Once when he was out of a job he followed a tour for a summer and spent his remaining money on gas and tickets, sleeping in interstate rest areas in his car.

Ed also became obsessed with the song Africa. He watches all shows to do with African wildlife of culture.

Coming out of his depression, he was able to see one show with Toto since 2012, but it is not the same without Mike Porcano. However, since Mike is still alive, all fans gave their full support to the band and the tour. Asked about Toto, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? "I bless the rains down in Africa...
gonna take some time to do the things we never have," replied Norton. We think he plans to take a trip to Africa once he recovers fully.

Geddy Lee To Release "Clockwork Bagels"

Toronto -- Rush bass guitarist and vocalist Geddy Lee will release a surprise solo album, "Clockwork Bagels", for Christmas. Having contributed few lyrics so far to the band's catalog, the solo album will focus on bagels. Titles include "Roll The Bagels", "The Temples of Lox", "Mystic Bagel", "A Larger Bagel", "Digital Bagel Oven", "Circumferences"  and "Forking The Bagel", a tribute to Jewish grannies around the world.

Area Woman Gets 50 Dollar Insurance Back

Bangor, ME --Area woman Nancy Drew, 51, was relieved when President Obama gave her a chance to go back  to her National Health Alliance plan of 50 dollars. She carries the card with her, has for years. It had never paid for anything. She gets minor problems taken care of at the Walgreens walk in clinic.

"I do have a job and income and I do not qualify for many of them complicated plans. And I don't have a computer to sign up."

Friends and neighbors say she spends most of her extra cash at the casino. She goes there with another hairdresser. They work at an independent salon that has no benefits.

Kari Remembers The Beatles

I had the LPs as they came out with Magical Mystery Tour and later. The earlier ones pretty much did not exist for me except Rubber Soul, about 1966 or 67. I then made cassettes..or was it reel to reel tape... of the early stuff from singles, so by 1969 I was mostly caught up. But for instance Please Please Me did not click for me till the 70s when I heard a cover band (The Shakers) play it outdoors for college freshmen. I had to seek the album at that point. I think I eventually found the UK album. The US Early Beatles did not seem right.

My discovery of popular music was about 63 with Beatles singles but I did not own any albums...any band!... till 1966. By the 70s, I was onto 70s bands, so the 1962-1966 (RED) Beatles collection went by me with little notice, I had most of them on a cassette. The other collection seemed more interesting, The Blue, but even so, I preferred to play Sgt Pepper as a whole, not the bits in the collection. So yeah, I had pushed the 1962-1966 songs to nostalgia for most of the 70s. I was not really interested in them till the CDs came out. My first ever CD was Past Masters 1. What a crappy collection in hindsight. I played it all weekend. In a a wave of nostalgia.

Songwriter Looks To Empty House For Inspiration

Nashville -- Area songwriter Earl ”Mac” Davis has had a hard time writing songs since his Bob Seger song failed. His last girlfriend Elsie left a month ago. He spent two weeks drinking. Then he noted on a Sunday morning he should call his nephew to come and mow and rake leaves. Why the fuck does he still have a house? An empty house. It has some memories. In fact this lead him to work out some lyrics. He’s been left some twenty times. Five times by the same girl. She was the first, and she came back. He was still young and handsome and had a certain down to earth charm.

So it was that just walking around the empty house, the lyrics pretty much wrote themselves. It’s not the first empty house song. But it is focused. It does not ramble on to other places. The song is just the memories and the house.

"But I'm getting too old for this shit. I have a place to hang out with the guitar, so I'm just going to sell this and get an apartment."

Bob Seger Ruins Song for Nashville Man

Nashville (Reporting from early Oct 2013) -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis had another bad day writing songs. It started out fine and he had an entire song worked out with the hook line "running against the wind". Then he met Nathaniel at McDonalds and they took their big macs to the park bench and ate them in peace, with Diet Coke. "So I have this new song, Nathaniel," said Earl, pulling out the Martin guitar out of the beat up case. As the song was playing out with the chords C G and D plus Bm, Nathaniel noted the chord changes as familiar and as the words with "mountain", "wildfire" and "running against the wind" flowed out, he suddenly had it. "Earl, I never knew you as a Bob Seger fan, but believe me, you are just channeling Bob Seger." They went to the record store and found a cassette of Seger for 50c. Nathaniel still has a cassette player in his car, so they played it. "Yup, you got me this time. I had more verses, but I just can't use that wind line and that's the whole song. Why don't you just drop me at home, Nathaniel. I'll watch the Histrory Channel, and you can come up, but there's no beer."

Back in 2004 we covered his first hit:
2004 Oct 13 Nashville, TN – Songwriter can’t stop loving her. Songwriter Earl “Mac” Davis had two cigarettes and three cups of coffee while watching CNN this morning, then went directly to write down words and chords to a melody in his head. The song practically wrote itself with no additional effort. Earl played around with the lyrics a bit, but then went with the verse and chorus as written, ending the chorus with “I can’t stop loving her”, which was also going to be the title. Earl’s friend Nathaniel met him for lunch soon after. Nathaniel heard Earl sing out the chorus, and liked the melody, which sounded original. He pointed out to Earl that his five last girl friends had no trouble ending the relationship with him. “It’s just a song, Nathaniel, I gotta make a living,” replied Earl. “Besides, she ain’t left yet.”

Beatles Forum Comes Back To Life

With a new book out on the story of The Beatles up to the early 1960s and the making of the first singles, an internet forum, Beatles Forever, came back to life after months of one post a week. The book stimulated activity in a topic devoted to it. One fan read the 900 page book in two days. He, for the fans are all men, is rereading it a second time to follow the discussion of the book by the twelve most regular posters. There are some 20 lurkers that seem to only vote + and - on whether the post adds to the discussion.

Though the book is a sort of Bible, it does have some errors or unclear sentences. The number of 14 came up in connection with John and George. But it was confusing as to which was 14 when they met. They actually went to the same grade school, but as it had many grades, they had different recess and playgrounds. A member suggests that it was impossible for George not to know Lennon the prankster and all around fun teen, labeled by adults as a troublemaker.

Another member is obsessed with Ringo's diseases and handedness. In a BBC interview Ringo said he was cured of pneumonia that led to lung infections and TB with streptomycin. It had been invented in the 1940s. Why can't he leave it at that.

Slower readers are just getting up to speed on how many girls Paul attempted to get pregnant. It will be in Book 2, not yet out, that there was only one official one. Epstein paid her off with 5000 pounds.

When thrown out of Hamburg and the Bambi Kino housing, Paul and Peter really did burn some condoms to make a statement and supposedly get some light in the room. Of course, German documents only mention attempted arson, not burned condoms.

Area Woman Finds Toothpick Holder for Her Husband's RV

Waterloo, IA -- Area woman Betty Anderson, 63, went to a football game with her husband Mitch over the weekend. She got to see her kids and grandkids and take the dogs along. The weekend got windy as they drove home and Mitch had a little trouble steering the huge RV on the Interstate. The football was OK, they won. And the weekend was not a total waste. She found just the right toothpick holder for the RV. She has to put it in a kitchen drawer for the drive, the sticks would fall out. But it has juts the perfect rustic look for the RV. She has twelve more toothpick holders at home for various holidays and special occasions. Are you ready? Here it is!

Area Chemist Cleans Mug With Lab Acid

Cambridge, MA -- Area graduate student Mike Zimmerman, 29, finally decided to clean the cup he has had in the lab for eight years. He got a master's and left the cup there, and it was still on the windowsill, when he came back for a Ph.D. at MIT.

Mike was pretty sure his thesis is done, and will be leaving MIT at the end of the semester. But he could not look at it for one more week in its black and brown state.

"Don't try this at home. I just used 15ml of concentrated HCl. But I neutralized the brown solution with 50% NaOH, before I poured it down the lab sink. I washed it in the men's room with soap after."

Tea Partyers All Set After I-HOP breakfast

Washington, DC -- Retirees and small business owners from Virginia decided to stay another week, depending on weather, to protest BIG government. Today they were going to wait till 10AM to go out, "after it warmed up" and after an all you can eat pancake breakfast at a local I-HOP, sponsored by

the Texas Tea Party.

Area Manager Leaves Conference In Hurry

Rochester, NY -- Area manager Jim Rigby, regional sales chief of a car parts distributor, was suddenly called to a teleconference on his cell phone when he had just sat down at his previous appointment. Employees left his seat unused in hopes that he would return to his previous business, but he had gone out to lunch.

Area Man Lends Government 50 Dollars

Bar Harbor, ME -- Area man Stan Laurel, 29, is a groundskeeper at Acadia National Park. He has not been at work for a few weeks, but will get back pay for the period. As his needs are small, he has been mowing a few lawns. " I have old people as neighbors. One just gives me tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for mowing."

Stan has come up with 50 dollars he can spare. He placed it in and envelope sent to President Obama. Stan asked to have it back "sometime in the spring."

Party Mix From 2009 Survives Crash

Detroit -- Emily Dickins, 32, crashed her car on the way to work. She took some belongings out and called a friend from work to pick her up. In her rush, she stuffed items from the car door to her purse. As she left the scene, she dropped a disc that had been rolling around in that door pocket since 2009. It now is unplayable, as anyone picking it up off the concrete side walk could see.

House Sent To His Room Without Dinner

Washington -- The House of Representatives has been behaving badly. He made threats and acted like a bully, with some bigger boys in the Senate helping him in his deeds.

House was sent to bed without dinner yesterday. Senate was told to go to his room and play by himself. The two will need to talk in the playground by Friday.

Area Man Opposes Carbon Tax Due To Twinkies

Bangor, ME -- Area man Todd Zelinski, 85, opposes the carbon tax due to his Twinkie habit. He consumes coffee, chips, bacon and beer as well. But he is most afraid the Twinkies will go up 2% due to the energy and heat involved in cooking Twinkies.

 

Todd begins every day with coffee and Twinkies, but he is not paying for the coffee, a church provides and prepares the coffee for a group of old folks in his building. The beer he also pays for, but "the government would not carbon tax beer would they? It would be the end of the tax." He has a point.

Area Students Camp in Tipi

Evanston, IL -- Area undergraduate students at Northwestern were having problems with a room mate. It started out when the third boy unpacked and they saw the collection of bongs. On top of this, the room mate, Chuck, seemed to bring some random older men to his room on a weekly basis. To have these fat businessmen showering every Saturday morning suggested Chuck was supplementing his income.

So Ed and Mal decided to lock up their stuff in a closet and find temporary housing. They were both taking a class in Native American Studies. There was a tipi used for some lectures. It was not used at night. Every night they are bringing in sleeping bags. No fires are allowed. The bottom of the tipi is cardboard boxes from the dumpster. The groundskeepers are on to the boys and their housing solution. But they merely make them move the tipi every five days in the same area between buildings.

"I'm taking a lot of my stuff home at Thanksgiving, and some friends are letting me use their couch till Christmas," explained Ed.

Powerball winner drives RV to play LOTTERIES in the USA

Powerball winner Earl "Bud" Wiser, 62, was relieved to win the Power Ball lottery this year. He was laid off early in the year and was without health insurance. After the Powerball win he signed up for insurance at a big premium, but only till 2014.

"I qualify for Obamacare then."

He is still interested in lotteries and drives around the country with his RV. He is especially interested in lotteries in the five states with no Powerball. He can also be seen in grocery stores and truck stops around the country scratching out instant lottery tickets. He never tells anyone he already won. Sometimes he shares his instant win with old ladies that are spending a few dollars of social security income on a once a week ticket.

"I enjoy meeting people. I will buy a ticket pretty much to any lottery or fundraiser. I actually have not been able to lose but around 500 dollars this year."

"What do you do with winnings such as turkeys or freezers or whatnot?"

"Most of the time I drive to the next place and give it to someone at the RV park."

Pirahã people learn one number

Amazona, Brazil – Sent by the state to keep good relations with the  Pirahã people, dance instructor Ricardo  Helio had a hard time teaching a group of fifteen teenagers the samba. The interpreter was not help, telling Ricardo there were no numbers in their language. That pretty much eliminated the foxtrot and waltz as well. Finally, Ricardo remembered a James Brown video. In it Brown hits the cowbell on the ONE of every measure. Soon enough all Pirahã teens were yelling ONE! on time. Not all could keep up with two three and four, but all managed the ONE!

Area President Can't Find His Steam

Reykjavik -- Area president Ólafur Grímsson had to wear two sweaters to work, for the four hours he spent at his office yesterday.  For some reason, all the rooms in the building were getting that cheap Icelandic steam except his. The custodian had called in sick and the energy company repair crew were urgently repairing radiators for an entire school.

"Get me some electric heaters for tomorrow then," he yelled at his phone and went home.

Area Dad Cleans Both Outside Mirrors

Des peres, MO -- Area dad Todd Hamilton III (56), took the kids' (Beth and Gary, both in community college)

shared car to work with him today, so he could stop at the garage of childhood friend Ed (56) to get the inspection and emissions tested on the way home today. The car needs a new tag on the plates by Sep 30.

In preparation for the drive to work, Todd cleaned not only the left mirror of the 2003 Accord, but the right one as well. As far as anyone knows, the mirror has not been cleaned for five years when Todd quit driving the car.

Area Barnacle Sleeps In

Atlantic Ocean -- An area barnacle declared "I'm sleeping in today," clammed up and was barely noticed by the other barnacles in her community.

The only one noticing her at all was a male barnacle, wishing to move inside her shell. He just moved on to other females. They could use his services in exchange for giving him shelter and a flow of microparticles of food.

Area Man Finds Use For Useless Cross Walk

Manchester, MO -- Area man Keith (he would not give a last name) has found a use for the area shopping center crosswalk that does not lead anywhere. There is no side walk anywhere near the busy strip mall. A side walk was located a quarter of a mile away on Manchester road.

Keith, nick named "Jack" at the PetCo where he works, takes the cross walk to the rock on the other side. It is provided there by landscapers as a filler for something, perhaps a bench. Jack does not smoke often, but takes the butts with him. He never smokes at the designated smoking area. People say he mostly talks on a cell phone at the rock. He apparently talks to his many kids from several marriages.

Weekly item 1

when there is nothing else to report, a tweet captured at random will be reposted
this one is in Finnish:

iiiih!! kävin ekaa kertaa kakalla mun uudessa kodissa! nyt tuntuu hyvältä!

Greek Man Working

Greece -- In rural Greece outside Athens, a Greek m
an, Anastasio Anastassis (59) was observed harvesting by hand. The press was alerted by locals to document this rare event.

The man is self employed and the money earned may not show up on any records. But the economic analysts said it was a good start.

Serial Killers Were Breast Fed

Boston, MA -- Researches from Boston University, funded by the Federal Heritage Foundation, have researched serial killers and their childhoods. Many had no father at home and a loving mother.  Killers whose mothers were alive were well researched, including interviews with the mother.

An astounding figure, 100%, were found to have been breast fed as babies. One individual was breast fed even when he had some teeth, the mother remembers.

Does this mean you can become a serial killer after being breast fed?
-Anyone can become a serial killer. We had one female serial killer, but could not locate her mother.

What other interesting figures did you get?
-Some 95% of them could read before Kindergarten.

Is there any harm in not breast feeding you kid?
-We don't know. It is possible the child will never become a famous serial killer, merely an amateur one.

Were any serial killers found to be breast feeders themselves?
-Yes, one woman was.

Animals stuck in one ideology during their lives

People often stick to one political party during their voting lives, though change during their lives is also seen. Animals, on the other hand are stuck. Evolution from an ichneumon wasp species (there are thousands) to a social wasp is not possible in one lifetime. They are stuck finding mates at random and parasitizing insect larvae of a particular species. Social wasps are colonial and know their work, each being a socialist. Ants and termites are most successful as socialists. The colonies might seem like a monarchy, but the queen is as much stuck in the system as the rest.

Dogs are an odd subspecies, ruling at the top of the food chain in packs in the wild state, but most dogs today serve as slaves and do not have any voting rights.

Capitalism on the whole rules the natural world. Winners survive, losers die. Colonies, social as they may be, compete with other colonies for land and resources as in any capitalist system. The survivors are the more aggressive species, with losers such as sloths eating poor nutrition in some far off niche of nature.

Retired Weatherman makes Astounding Claims about Global Warming

Rural Saskatchewan -- Area retiree Joey Bishop, 85, came out of retirement to look at data sheets presented to him by area small government enthusiasts.

Boldly he concluded, after three days of study:

"Climate's changed before"
"It's the sun"
"There is no consensus, only 97% of climate scientists and only 50% of retired weathermen agree"
It's cooling for at least 10 years"
"Models are unreliable, some have large margins of error"
"Temp record is unreliable, the wether stations are too close to airports"
"Antarctica is gaining ice"
"CO2 lags temperature"
"We're heading into an ice age"
"Hockey stick is broken"
"Climategate CRU emails suggest conspiracy and the young whippersnappers were only trying to get tenure"
"1934 - hottest year on record"
"It's freaking cold! I had to get the fleece jacket my late wife Mildred bought me five years ago out in July"
"Medieval Warm Period was warmer"
"It's a 1500 year cycle"
"Human CO2 is a tiny % of CO2 emissions"
"IPCC is alarmist and only serving liberal politicians world wide"