Trump orders Congress to go home for Capitol remodeling

With Congress conducting oversight and other useless things, the President decided this is the time to remodel The Capitol.

The order also includes a Ballroom to the Capitol, to be payed by Jeff Bezos. Trump is asking Congress to fund the government to 2027 when he will thank them in his State of the Union message.

"Go home, you are not needed!" said Trump. He did not take any questions.

You Do Not Need Insurance!

 

Donald Trump will give all Americans 2000 dollars for health "insurance." You just pay the doctor or dentist or pharmacy with that. You do not need the insurance companies.

It came to the President's attention that 20 million of the people that voted for him live in mobile homes. Another 20 million live in homes that have about the same value but also have the lot to go with it. 

As a gift to low income home owners Trump will give you another $1500 for home "insurance." You do not need to pay for home insurance to insurance companies! If the investigation finds that you yourself burned down that mobile home, you still get the money. And Trump will sign pardons for most arsonists, provided "your mother in law was not inside the trailer when you burned it."

Trump Pardons Hannibal Lecter

 President Trump has pardoned serial killer Hannibal Lecter.

When asked about what was next, Trump said he would be flown to Mar a Lago for dinner. "I was going to have some friends for dinner, but Hannibal will have some of my friends for dinner too."

On Veterans' Day, Trump Claims 538 Percent Approval

 

Summing up the tremendous changes he has achieved, Trump claimed that Joe Biden had 38% approval. He on the other hand has now after ten months a total of 538% approval.

Although Trump aced the Montreal IQ test, with a perfect score on the three animals...

...and with dozens of difficult questions after that, he seems to be a little misinformed about approval percentages. The staff member had just added the approvals for each month and was looking to get the average. Trump interrupted her:

"No, I like that number, 538 percent." 

So Trump released it to his press secretary.

Trump Signs Executive Order To Arrest 75,017,613 Antifa Members

All 75,017,613 that voted against him are hereby named as Antifa official members. Trump has signed an executive order to arrest all of you.

There will be plenty of room in the camps after all the illegals are deported, all 1000% of them.

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding People Follow All His Orders

Under severe penalty for disobaying, People of the United States must follow my Orders! I am the President and I can make life very hard for ALL OF YOU! Any of you born abroad may be deported.

Thank you for your attention!

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Liberal Arts Colleges

With his attention drawn to the matter by Laura Loomer, Trump quickly signed the executive order banning liberal arts colleges. With her direction, some of them can be placed back in use in a year as conservative arts colleges. But really, education is over rated. Couldn't they just do some crafts and restoration of Civil War weapons?

Trump then left the room in his red hat to get ready for his trip with King Charles. He will look fine after the make up and hair.