Engineer Finds Clamps From 10 Years Ago

San Diego -- Area engineer Ed Van Halen, 48, found his work area unsuitable for the work he had outlined this week on combustion. Looking for well vented lab areas, a lab he had used ten years ago was vacant.

 He cleaned it up and looked at the area where the equipment was to be set up. Some scaffolding was needed. The fiberglass rods needed were inside the vented space. But where were the clamps to assemble them? He found the clamps in a cabinet underneath.

"These are my clamps! There were my initials on the box!"

No box of clamps has ever survived undisturbed more than five years. Someone will always find them and "borrow" some clamps till the box is thrown out.

Pilots To Land With Google Maps

With several flights in the past year landing at the wrong airports, one airline, South Express, is having pilots fly over any particular air strip first using a Google Maps on a smart phone as guide, and then actually land on the second run. Flight controllers are to co-operate with the pilots for a visual ID as well.

Battery Better Last Five Years

Buffalo, NY -- Area man Ernest Galloway, 25, insists that the battery is still good, after jump starting his Kia Spectra five times since December 1.

"It better last fucking five years, even if I have to jump start it every fucking day."

Luckily he will be able to buy a new battery in October, when the first replacement battery for the Kia is five years old.

Technology Theft Revealed on Twitter

Amazon -- Neighboring tribes along the Amazon have been waging war on Twitter for two years. Posting a picture of a site on Twitter is considered a valid claim on the land.

The two tribes have related languages but live separate lives. It now appears that one has stolen some poison dart technology from the other. The darts and the places to collect the frogs for the poison have been guarded secrets in both tribes. One tribe boldly posted pictures of the area where the other tribe's frogs are.

Each tribe takes pictures on

smart phones and travels three days down river to get a smart phone signal and to post the required pictures. Neither group has any written language, but the younger males have worked out the smart phones. The phones are not used for phone calls. The once in 10-12 days trip includes a stop at a trading post to charge the phone in exchange for jungle goods.

Missing Dog Still Missing

Pasadena, CA -- Missing dog Buster is still missing after a week. This, despite 502, 889 shares on Facebook of his picture world wide. People as far as Taiwan have been looking for him for a week.

Beatles Fan Finishes Mammoth Project

Bangor ME -- Beatles fan Al Green, 19, just finished recording all the parts of the Beatles original twelve albums. Except the voices. The recordings are Karaoke, where he plays all the instruments. Not being able to afford all the guitars, he borrowed a Rickenbacker 325 for the early albums, using his dad Dan's Gibsons and Gretches for George's parts. Three solo guitars were required  for the Abbey Road side B medley, so the last one was played on the guitar shown, just to get a third "sound". It does not actually match any Beatles guitar. The drums are a weak point, but he did his best with the kit shown.

The laboratory will rest now for a while, as he get ready to make Free As A Bird and Real Love in the spring. Then his"Beatles Laboratory" will be packed up while he goes to college in Massachusetts.

Rich Guy Pays Tickets Out of Civic Duty

Kansas City, MO -- Area enterpreneur (he has a law office, real estate and a part in a BMW dealership) Dan Greenberg has collected $20 000 in traffic camera fines in 2013. He has paid them all, as they amount to the same as parking fines, no points adding up against his driving privileges.

"I just give them to my accountant. I figure it is my duty to support my community. Maybe they are even tax deductible? I don't know, I'm not a tax lawyer anymore."

He gets these tickets from running red lights, changing lanes recklessly and making right turns without stopping. "I'm a safe driver, never had a serious crash. I would not take these risks to be a bully, I simply look at the situation and clear the intersection, making traffic flow more smoothly."

He is known to drive three BMWs. He has also been ticketed with his girlfriend's white BMW X series, a concept car. "She may pay the occasional ticket, but if she knows I was driving, I have her send the ticket to my accountant." For moving violations, he has the local Traffic Law Partners handle the situation and go to court for him.

Typical traffic camera tickets in Missouri are about $100.

Exercise plan killed at start

Harrisburg, PA –  

Area man Greg Martin (39) went to pick up a treadmill type of exercise machine from Sports Mart at their nearby shopping center by Wal Mart. Greg has a pick up truck, and store employees loaded the box onto the truck. Christa Martin (38) refused to help Greg carry the box around the house. Greg got Darrell, a big guy, next door to help. They carried it around outside to the walk out basement in the back yard. Going thru the door right into the family room Greg twisted enough at one point to injure his back.

Christa is using it daily, but Greg had been lying down for three days because of his back. The next day he went to work, he is an accountant.

Two weeks later Greg is back to his normal routine, but asked about the tread mill he said “I don’t think I’ll ever use it. My back hurts just to look at it. Plus Christa and I tried to move it a few inches and my back complained already.”

Industry data indicates that most tread mills turn in six months to places to hang damp laundry, but are otherwise not used.