Trump orders NSF to initiate and fund Phlogiston study

President Trump has been reading old texts in French and English written by Priestly and Lavoisier in the late 1700s about this so called oxygen. Trump found astounding errors in their measurements. "These studies are wrong and are all related to the greatest errors in chemistry. There is no oxygen. Even the FDA has faked all the formulas of drugs. I want this fake science exposed. Do the phlogiston study again!"

The president is so smart that he immediately saw that this is the right way to think about science:

The metals are obviously produced when fire acts on earth, or top soil minerals. Every foundry works based on that. "I want that study on my desk at the end of February and the seal of the NSF attached to it."

After this President Trump wants alchemy revived and we will be making gold out of lead in no time- make America great again, with gold!

The President is a Winner

Having pulled off a stunt nobody expected, President Trumped has slashed the taxes of the rich and has given a few crumbs for the middle class and basically nothing to the poor, since they really don't pay much tax. The debt is going to increase, but that is the Democrats' problem.

The president was going around the White House acting cocky and shaking hands and all around friendly. He has not been seen for weeks or months that way.

His rejoicing was reminiscent of his wrestling days:

Mom washes perfectly clean shirts

Kirkwood, MO -- Mom washes clean shirts after camping. Scott Tanenbaum, 12, had no idea which were the clean socks or underwear, but he was sure he did not wear the two plain t-shirts on a scout camping trip over the week end. They camped at a cabin owned by an Illinois scout troop. Mom Kathy washed all the clothes found in Scott's day pack, as they smelled of smoke and generally "outdoorsy". Besides, they were in the same pack with a pair of soggy, muddy socks.

The washed shirt was a bit damp, so it was hanging on the exercise bike in the basement.

Scott had planned to wear the plain red one to school. He has a complicated color scheme he follows through the week, depending on the occasion. “Where is my red shirt, mom?” It was in the basement, just like mom said.

Confident Roy Moore packing Monument to take to Washington

On the eve of the Alabama special election, judge Roy Moore's staff was packing up the Ten Commandment monument to send to Washington:

It will be displayed in his office at the Senate office building. Or perhaps even in the common area of his floor.

Trump wants NASA to send probe to infinity and beyond!

After reading reports of the Rocket Man's last missile, Trump was surprised that the missile went so high. "It's really really really high, thousands of kilometers." This got the president thinking. After lunch and two Diet Cokes he asked to speak "to the head guy at NASA." In the conversation he said he would get funding for a new project. He wanted them to send "something" out to space, really really far. And get a message back from "the thing" near the end of his second term from "really really far."

"Would that be infinity, sir?"
Trump replied he wanted it to go to "infinity and beyond."
"We'll give it a shot. 2024 then?"
"Yes."