Hillary and Giuliani Have Tea, Trump Sits in Limo

President Trump and Rudy Giuliani went to Hillary Clinton's house to arrest her for the "Democrat pedophile ring," after Trump had received info from QAnon representatives. Hillary showed up to greet them at door. In a pant suit. She was aware of their goofy plan.

"Donald, you called me a nasty woman, so I am not going to let you in. Rudy, you can come in for tea."

The two spent almost an hour at her house and Giuliani emerged, alone. He was supposed to help make the citizen's arrest.

"What happened?"

"We sat down, and you know, you don't have a case. Those two nut jobs you let in to the oval office just took stuff from Russian trolls and repeated it over and over on the Internet. It sort of became fact for thousands of people. All conspiracy nuts."

The two headed off in the limo towards Marine One to go back to the White House.

Bill Clinton came down the stairs in a sweat shirt and slippers. "What did they want? Your emails?"

"No, honey, it was just some Trumped up charges. Rudy was embarrassed to show me the claims that really had no basis in fact. Just some photoshopped pictures of children in some locations that was supposed to prove something."

Trump ready to arrest Hillary

President Trump has been campaigning so much to keep his deeply held beliefs ("foreigners are bad") at the top of the nation's agenda that he hardly has time to plan other acts. The troubled president is campaigning for Republicans and his own 2020 run for a second term. However, he appears to be running more to save his current term, rather than 2020. There has been so much losing this week.

Then it appeared to him on the plane back from the rally. His base gave him the solution: Lock her up! The real criminals are Democrats! Trump will head out Friday to arrest Hillary.

Giuliani has been assigned to think of the charges. Trump will use his helicopter and limo to make a citizen's arrest of Hillary, using his presidential security guards to make the arrest. "Can we get some hand cuffs for this event?" Hillary will be kept under guard in a White House bedroom until she can be turned over to the authorities. "Find some kind of state where we can bring up the charges. Or if that does not work, Guantamo Bay!"

"That's Guantanamo Bay," sir.

"Whatever."

Trump Triumphant: I did it!

Washington DC, December 1, 2020

With all the furniture but Trump's own bedroom packed away and all personal goods moved back to Trump Tower, President Donald Trump is sitting alone at the Oval Office, sampling some Diet Dr Pepper for a change, he reflects on his four year presidency, which ended with a female Democrat beating him in November. "But she really hates me after that debate! It was spectacular!" The ratings went through the roof, never seen before in a debate broadcast.

He also has other big claims: "Nobody got as many groups to hate each other in a four year term!" With abortion nearly repealed in 2019, Trump got most of the women angry at him. "I guess we could have left abortion "in case of rape" in there, as way out, but I promised to ban abortion. It was close!"

People living next door to each other got nasty with yard signs for Trump and his opponent. Some of them will never speak again and some have moved away.

Farmers are angry with farmers after Trump messed up pork producers, soybean growers and corn with his tariffs and subsidies.

A Covington KY at an anti-abortion rally came face to face with a Native American chanting with a drum. People were analyzing this face to face interaction for a week. But we know who caused this, Trump! Without the MAGA hats the event would not have come to a head.

Many people of course died due to lack of insurance in the middle of 2019 when Obamacare was repealed with all subsidies. The families will never forgive Trump. Gun sales went through the roof when all those people bought a single handgun just for the suicide.

Trump calls it a success. "I got people engaged in politics! And I deported all foreigners that voted for Hillary!"

Hillary has survived the Trump term, just barely, and is still not in jail. "I failed there, I admit that," said Trump on Fox News this morning.

Government can't do anything right! Trump wants water!

Putting aside for a moment the fact that Mr Trump is the government, the president has been frustrated by "all kinds of professors" commenting on his ideas to fight California fires. Trump had almost given up on California. "Let Jerry Brown figure it out" was his first thought. California did not voter for him after all.

But then Trump remembered his Mar-a-Lago grounds manager and called him up. Trump knows grass and golf courses! "It turns out, Mike says, that you could hook up garden hoses for up to a mile. And he has some trash pumps that pump out flooded water from ditches. They run on gas."

Trump will be headed to California to hand out garden hoses to the population. Air Force 1 was loaded full, and Trump volunteers have loaded pick up trucks full of hoses at Home Depot stores. Trump only has to call the stores and approve the sales on the Government Visa card he has on hand for these type of occasions.

The citizens will be armed with hoses and pump for whenever the fire comes near. Just like you need guns to protect you from bad hombres (the cops never get there on time), so too will they all have hoses ready to wet the ground on a wide circle around their properties.

And the hoses, they will not look like the mess in your back yard:

Mr Trump has picked the professional models which can be connected as easily as the tangled ones but much faster:

At the end of the fire season Mr Trump will fly successful property owners to the White House for a citizen fire fighter award presentation. To qualify, you must successfully protect your own home and one other neighboring home.

When asked about his previous effort to offer disaster relief in Puerto Rico

Mr Trump responded with "no more questions, thank you. God bless!" and left the room.

Trump to tax Chinese bicycles 100%

Donald Trump will tax all bicycles made in China 100% starting September first. This decision came as result of studies of a photo where a woman, Juli Briskman, gave Trump the finger. It appears her bike was made in China, but officials are not disclosing the brand.

Rural children bicycling to school can take a special form to the principal, then to the bike store or Wal Mart and have the tax waived.

The tax applies to American companies such as Trek and Cannondale for all models made in China.

There will not be a tax on bike parts.

Drain The Trump

Vote the Republicans out!

Show the world these people do not represent us:

Trump Goes to Rally

It's getting tiresome. The president just can't stay focused on policy matters. Just how to destroy the Endangered Species Act? Leave that to...that new guy at the EPA. They are good at that, destroying the environment, at the EPA. So rallly it is, with memories of the old days:

There are just angry crowds now. Guys with gray hair, gun nuts, the usual. Those working arrived in rusty pick ups, working that shift at Home Depot or lawn care earlier in the day.

It just was not the same crowd, and it was not even big.

He gave the talk, skipping any story telling bits he has memorized. It just was not the same. They still want to drain the swamp from Washington. Who knows what that is. Probably every politician who does not represent white folks in the middle, the South and Florida.

It just is no fun being president! Mueller is going to charge Trump Junior soon. It came to Trump what he has to do as he was flown home. He is going to fire Mueller. He is the President after all! Come what may! Sessions will have to do it. If that does not work, fire Sessions!

"Stewardess, can you bring Mr Trump another Diet Coke?" The fridge in his suite was apparently out.