Dozens of Men Claim They Were the Man Christine Ford Escaped From at Party

"It was just a party, it was just rough play!" and "It was me, I was the man in the room!" claim dozens of Brett Kavanaugh high school class mates. Some of them may have been in this basketball team.

Each of the men tell the same story: "I was at that party, so was Brett. He stayed downstairs. I found the girl going upstairs and I went after her. There was some rough housing. There might have been two of us in the room. But I remember that girl well!"

Each man says he had been drinking beer, from three to five bottles as the story goes. "I don't remember it that well. Except that Brett stayed downstairs."

To beat Trump tariffs, Chinese now using common earths to make cell phones

Faced with trump tariffs and lesser sales in smart phones, the Chinese cell phone industry has come up with a strategy.

Instead of indium, lanthanium and yttrium, the cell phone makers will now use common earth elements for the devices.

"What's in the new phones?"

"There might be some rare earths, as we just scoop up whatever was in the gravel pit behind the factory that we used as waste pond before. Some rare earths went in there. We think uranium will be a glowing success, but we suspect a lot of it is just silicon dioxide and calcium, you know from the hard water."

McConnel says there is no proof that Kavanaugh has a penis

Taking time off from Judge Kavanaugh hearings, Mitch McConnel pointed out some facts relating to his candidate.

"The accusations against Judge Kavanaugh are baseless. There is no evidence that he has a penis, whether it looks like a Mario Cart character or not. He is accused of rape in his college days. Well, prove that he has a penis! A penis is no longer needed for reproduction. They can do stuff in a petri dish."

Kavanaugh refused comment on the penis issue. He may or may not have one, it is entirely his secret.

American President turns out to be an Asshole

Journalists have been analyzing the president's tweets for the past year, and the shocking truth is that not only is he a Republican, he has been an Asshole his entire life! Only Fox journalists softened their label to " a big bullshitter."

TV Remote back to hard work for Football Season

Boulder CO -- Area TV Remote, let's call him Al, has been put to work after the gentle punching of volume settings and Source selections required for watching Netflix shows all summer.

Colorado graduate student Hal is quite the football fan. Just two weeks into the season his team is in Nebraska for the current game. Hal could not drive there as he has some lectures to give to undergraduates in physics on Monday that he needs to work on.

His room mates are somewhere else, so it's just him and Al. Hal and Al today!

It went OK for one quarter, but then the slamming on the coffee table (Ikea) started. Ouch!

"I really don't need to be abused so hard that the batteries fall out at least once in a game," remarked Al.

Then it went worse and worse for the second quarter:

At press time Al had gone to survival mode. Last year at this point Al begged one of the room mates to change fresh batteries and tape the plastic door shut for some control into his chaotic life.

Here and There

Nashville, TN -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis is about to have a second major hit. Recorded in the late summer, while Earl was stuck home scratching chigger bites after a fishing trip, the song has universal appeal and has been released in country rock and traditional versions.

The protagonist, Earl, is "here", while his beloved is "there", far away. The song immediately struck a chord with truck drivers and road crew workers working away from home. However, the appeal appears to be broader. Female listeners who also appear to be "here" while their beloved is "there" are buying the song as downloads and CD singles.

The song was recorded in one day with veteran session men chosen by Dylan producer Mark Howard.