Trump Promises a Test for Everyone Having a Pandemic

With a couple of thousand Americans dead, and no vaccine in sight, President Trump asked Anthony Fauci to come up with someting. The president was also concerned with New Yorkers bringing coronavirus to Florida, delaying the re-opening of Mar-a-Lago

Taking a serious tone, Trump announced in yet another press conference:

"We are having tremendous progress with testing. The original test, you had to wait days, this one you get the results right away. We will be able to tell who can travel from new York to Florida. You just take the test, and if the virus is in you, it leaves these...really small...markers. We call it a...pandemic. So if you have this...pandemic going through your arteries, we will find it and we can then treat you and whatever you need."

The president then looked back at Anthony Fauci to confirm the accuracy of this new test.

"Isn't this right, Dr. Fauci?"

Fauci: "I don't have the time to explain the details, we will have a written press release."

Finns: Champions at Social Distancing

Waiting for a bus before the coronavirus pandemic:

During the coronavirus pandemic:

Grandma Wanted Boys to Eat Something Called Soup

Sacramento, CA -- Brothers Andy (7) and Ted (4) were preparing to go visit Grandma Jean. Jean usually takes them out to lunch, but she had some trouble walking. Mom was going to bring cinnamon rolls and they would have bean soup.

 Andy: Just eat the cinnamon rolls, Ted. Not the soup. Or you can play with it a bit with the spoon. 

Ted: What's soup? 

Andy: it's kind of like hot cereal but it has stuff floating in it and it's salty.

Ted: Grandma Bella makes hot dogs for us. 

Andy: Yeah but Jean doesn't like stuff made from meat. Remember, she just ate noodles and spaghetti sauce when she was here? And we had the meat sauce. 

Ted: Is hot dog meat? 

Andy: Sort of.

Mississippi Requires Photo ID to Get Photo ID

Jackson, Mississippi -- With wide-spread election and healthcare fraud, Mississippi now requires a photo ID to get the photo ID. The new ID card is requited to get anything from the state and to vote. Previous photo ID's from any Southern state will be accepted as the proof to get the new ID-card.

Ophelia Johnson, 75, has never had a photo ID and never will. "They can just send my social security to the bank. When I'm dead, they can photograph me."

Trump Resisting Coronavirus on Horseback

Having declared a national emergency and discouraging mass gatherings, President Trump was saddened by the cancellation of most of his election rallies. But  he will be resisting this virus in a different manner. He is following the example of King Christian of Denmark during World War II.

The president will ride weekly through the streets of Washington on a horse. To speak to his followers, groups of 50 or less will be allowed to attend at regular stops on the route. Hand cleaner and face masks will be provide to those attending.

Anitvaxxers Hoping to Catch the BIG ONE, Coronavirus, at Planned Party

Bay area antivaxxers gathered last week at an area school, where kids are not vaccinated, to discuss what a variety of diseases they might get at the next pox party.

At first it was going to be the usual chicken pox and measles at the next pox party. But then Frank got a call telling him that the cruise ship people will be taken to Travis Air Force Base. They will need to be tested, and Nancy works there as a nurse! They are going to send Nancy to touch as many of the passengers as possible.

They will wait a couple of days after her five day week there and get her to the next party to hand out drinks for all the kids. It will be so exciting! Kids are not harmed by this virus! Parents should take some precautions so they are not sick at the same time.

Hillary: Sanders' Campaign is Just baloney!

Hillary Clinton thinks Bernie's campaign is laughable. "What did he ever pass?" And what kind of emails did he ever delete as senator?  Does he even have a server? Hillary did.

How many dictators did he oust, send to be shot like a pig in a drainage pipe? Hilalry did, Gaddafi. There was that Benghazi thing, but you have to take some risks when you are a leader. Sanders never was a leader, even as a pacifist. Yes, it is all total baloney what he claims he can do. He should know. Sanders won't get those socialist plans past that senate that Sanders himself has struggled with for all those years.