Pottsylvania Leader Tired of X-Box Games

Capital City, Pottsylvania -- Fearless Leader Kim Jung Soon, 31, has spent nearly three weeks waiting for the mighty United States to back down An take its troops out of South Pottsylvania.

The threats of nuclear war and missiles shot to strategic targets have been in the air for three weeks now. The generals are determined to shoot a missile to the sea near Okinawa. But there are only eight missile left.

Kim has played video games for the entire time except for the daily half hour meeting with his generals and a few dedications and news events he posed for. And he is bored.

The problem was partly solved with his driver teaching Kim chess, but Kim hates to lose and a weak opponent is no challenge. So they take turns at a video game and chess. But the old man is not catching on with the video games and hardly pushes the buttons.

Common Plantain Thinks It's Special

Des Peres, MO -- An upstart plant has moved next to a patch of peonies planted in a suburban yard. The peonies have been there some thirty years since the house was built.

"You silly perennials! How do you expect to evolve if you just sit there 30 years. I came form Heidelberg in the Chucks that Johanna the exchange student in your house wears. I'm from Europe!" the plantain taunts them. One of the peonies looked up the weed and says that "even if he says he is a Plantago major, in English we call him common plantain."

The peonies closed up for the night and hoped that the owner would mow over the plantain in the grassy area as soon as possible.

Having just popped up for the first time, the plantain and peonies are in for a surprise next year. He is a perennial too.

Mr. Quarter leaves same tip every time

Sunset Hills, MO-- Stopping by the cafe at a local book store, a customer...Ari something...leaves a quarter tip, no matter what he buys. But it is almost always a latte or an americano.

. "He brings some book, but I think he sits down over there to leaf through it. Once he bought a CD here when they had a big line at the main check out, " explained barista Mary. The employees joke about him, but not too much. "He's an old guy, well at least 40, and he seems to read weird nature stuff and what not," added Barry Switzer, 19. The third employee barely remembered him. "Oh that guy, he reminds me of my dad. He sometimes wears a baseball hat, in summer."

Boxer acts professionally

Buffalo, NY -- Boxer no longer punches out bouncers for his buddies.

Joe Mason, heavyweight, still goes out to party with his friends, but his friends are not as happy. "He would no longer punch out the idiot bouncer at the first bar we tried to get into," said his friend Sal. "They don't pay me to hit bouncers, I got these hands to think of. I have investors relying on me," said Joe in defense.

Daughter's Boyfriend Paints!

Newark, NJ -- Bill Nixon (58) discovered that his daughter Mary's boyfriend is not a comic after all. "She keeps telling us of the night clubs and comedy clubs they go to in New York, so I just assumed imperssionist meant comic."

Mary had to explain to him that he is in art school on a scholarship and does not need to work, not even as a comic. But Bill then offered to buy him a set of air brush paints, so he could make some money detailing his 68 Chevy or some motorcycles for his friends. "Don't be silly, daddy, he does not do commercial art, not yet anyway. He will probably teach art in high school."

Betty Confused With Atheist Message

Manchester, UK -- Mrs. Betty McCormick, 48, was reading an article about buses in London.

"It's them atheists with their sign on the bus. It says that there probably is no God. I can understand they might think that. Aren't they like atheists and all. But then they continue and want me to enjoy life. I did not quite get that part. We had a fun trip to Mallorka when Rodney was still

alive, but I still don't quite get it. What am I supposed to enjoy?"

Her best friend Marge would point out that the police finding Rodney dead in the gutter two years ago is a blessing. "She will enjoy life when she is ready."

Musical Work has certain symphonicity, but Arturo thinks it needs more

Palermo -- Barber Vittorio Albinoni was discussing his newest work with a friend Arturo, who has to make a living playing keyboards in a popular band playing covers of 1950-2000 Italian songs. "It was one of my usual string works at the start, but I decided to paint some moods with woodwinds. What do you think? It is almost a symphony, or could be." "Vittorio, it is a fine piece just so. It would need a lot more to be symphonic. Why not complete this in three movemeents, with the center one very short?", Arturo explained as he handed the smart phone with the notes back. "But then it will go pretty much the same as all my works. I have to print out the sheet music at my expense and the Liceo Ginnasio Vittorio Emanuele II secondary school orchestra will play it." Yes, Vittorio, that will happen. But you are not on speaking terms with any other conductors in town. "Perhaps," said Vittorio, finishing his cafe con leche and working at a wrapped pack of cigrettes.