Area Vultures Relaxing, Send Out Scout

Nebraska -- On one of the many reservoirs in Nebraska, vultures were all perched on the device that handles water levels at the dam. One was sent out to seek food. "If it's a bunny, just eat it, but a cat might feed two or three."

The rest took in the sun on this Thursday morning. All nesting is finished now.

Finnish Waiter Forced To Serve Customer

Helsinki -- Area waiter Erkki was doing his job arranging tables and getting things a little in order after the lunch crowd had left. Then some tourist walked in around 2PM and wanted a window table. it's somewhere behind the round structure at the end.

Erkki seated the middle aged man speaking American English, but probably from Germany. He brought some silverware and a napkin from a nearby table and then left. It was time for Erkki's break. Erkki spent 20 minutes in the street for a smoke. Minna was still inside as well as the cook staff.

Erkki hung his windbreaker on a hook and looked at the stock market on his cell phone. He had some income stashed away from his previous job as a journalist. Then he looked at Trump's last tweets. There were some sport scores coming in as well.

After going to the rest room and washing his hands with care, Erkki returned to see what the customer might want. The customer was standing around the terrace with his things at the table."I'm ready to take your order now, sir," offered Erkki cheerfully.

Trump Staff Stumped

Looking for the problem this week, going into Trump's last three three months of campaigning, the staff was unable to explain what happened. Looking for a culprit, only Trump was found.

Comments at the last staff meeting, without Trump present.

- Now that we have him reading the teleprompter, he seems to have lost the last bit of charisma that he had for the followers.

- Can we kind of schedule some slots in there where it just says IMPROVISE and a topic or word to go on?

- He kind of sounds like George Bush, but a few Believe me's added.

-Here's the stuff that worked:
"Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?"

"I’ve been treated very unfairly by this judge. Now, this judge is of Mexican heritage. I'm building a wall, OK? I'm building a wall." 

"We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated."

"We're gonna bring businesses back. We're gonna have businesses that used to be in New Hampshire, that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire, and you can tell them to go f**k themselves. Because they let you down, and they left!" 

-What about New Hampshire? Can we work on that? Can we just buy that state?

-Can we do something with pick up trucks?

Can we spin some more of these Sarah Palin stream of conscience things? Like:


“The LGBT community, the gay community, the lesbian community — they are so much in favor of what I’ve been saying over the last three or four days. Ask the gays what they think and what they do, in, not only Saudi Arabia, but many of these countries, and then you tell me — who’s your friend, Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?" 

-what have you got, Bob?
-I got...nothing. Florida?

-Any wild ideas? Anything!

-Gene Simmons to introduce him at every stop, in full KISS outfit. I hear he has small hands, he might do it. Or Ted Nugent, if Gene turns us down.

Area Dickcissel Eating Bugs Without Identification First

Saunders Co NE -- An area dickcissel born this summer is munching on plant matter and insects just to fill his stomach. His parents, particularly his dad, identified every dragonfly by its Latin name before feeding it to the kids. Now the youngster just does not bother. He ate some kind of "locust" just minutes ago.

Can you give it some thought? What color was it?
Bird: Yellow.

And you've eaten those before.
Bird: Yup.

Maybe it was in the Chortophaga family?
Bird: Sounds familiar.

Like this?

Chortophaga fasciata maybe? They grow in Nebraska.

Bird: Could be. Nice talking to you. I gotta go. Dragonflies.

We did not think they catch dragonflies, more of a seed eater sparrow type of bird. We think he's after more locusts. The slow ones.

God Not Aware He Made Our Solar System

At a Galactic Review Conference God was confronted about the solar
system he once created and a planet Earth, with bipedal tailless
primates running the show. "They are? That is unfortunate", replied
God. He stated he does not remember the details of creating this
solar system, and that he usually "leaves those things to evolve life
on their own," if such a thing happens.

"I haven't been creating solar systems for a long time. Intelligent beings like you kept suing me in Galactic Court. You know, they say they did not ask me to create their solar system or them."

"It does have a moon, this planet of yours?" he added thoughtfully. We
replied that it did. "They usually do..." he stated and wandered off,
robes dragging in the dust.

300 pounds of sand in two weeks

Platte River NE -- Social science majors working with Nebraska conservation groups have made a study of summer camp participants and their sand tracking activities. The kids bring in an average amount of three pounds of sand in their shoes into the common buildings in their two week stay at camp Tiki Taki.

With about 100 kids at camp, the kids will bring in about 300 pounds of Nebraska soil and sand into cabins. Cleaners hired by the camp vacuum and sweep all the buildings and dispose of all the trash. Candy wrappers and other human trash contaminate the sand. Sifting operations will be put in to conserve sand and reduce trail maintenance costs.

What Happened To Your Nice Shirt?

I can't find either one of these shirts in the closet. I got these for you just a year ago and one was supposed to be for summer events and then you started golfing in them.

I'm going to send you a text since you are still at the golf course. How can you spend all those hours there? You spend twice as much there including all weekend since you retired.

If you don't respond in two minutes, I am going to Penney's to get you two nice shirts. Light blue or even burgundy and you are going to wear it. Not like when Justin married Cathy and we got to Seattle and got rained on and you wore your only good shirt for the trip and you had to borrow one from Cathy's dad. It's just Lisa's graduation in Denver this time and there is nobody there to lend you shirts. We'll sleep in Lisa's apartment and she will take the couch for the two nights.

And what about your shoes? I'm going to have to look at those and polish them a bit. You are not wearing the running shoes you drive with even if they are black and look somewhat decent. You are going to wear leather shoes this time.