Portland,
OR -- With the kids finally out in the world, Linda Thompson, 61, joined hubby
Eddie, 62, in his birding quest. After about a year of intense birding and
travel, the 30-year marriage ended over a dispute with a shore-bird ID. Was it
a short billed or a long billed dowitcher, two similar species?
Out in the
field, they came to a loud argument. After about ten minutes of arguing, with
other bird issues and the past year thrown it, Ted drove them back to the
Edgewater Motel in silence. Linda immediately booked a room of her own. In the
morning she drove off at 6AM, leaving Ted at the motel continental breakfast by
himself. Without a car, he was left to charge his cell phone for an hour so he
could call someone to come and pick him up.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Publisher denies wrongdoing in porcupine tale
Philadelphia, PA -- In the children’s book Porcupine’s Pyjama Party
by Terry Harshman, Mole prepares cookie dough, they eat it, place the remaining
three cookies in the oven on page 27. Then they watch scary movies and on page
64, the three critters (including owl) go to bed together. Molly Hanson, 7, of
Fairfield, OH, wrote in to alarm the publisher that “they never took the
cookies out!” Molly offered to edit future books for a small salary.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Area Wino Needs 22 Cents
Anaheim, CA -- Area wino needs 22 cents.
Approaching several pedestrians and a 7-11 cashier, area wino Jack, freshly
showered but not shaved, appealed to one and all to come up with 22 cents
"for the bus fare". The request seemed reasonable at 9 AM but it took
an hour to find the one gullible tourist, a large housewife from Illinois, for
the quarter.
Kathryn Isaacs, 32, then headed for the Disney bus with her supersize diet
Pepsi and three kids. "My husband is in Afghanistan so my thoughts and
prayers go to those in need."
Biology of Overpopulation Revealed
Madison, WI -- Professor Fiona O'Leary has been
researching overpopulation for over 20 years. The seemingly complex cultural
reasons in many countries seem to boil down to a few main principles. It would
seem that the cause of overpopulation is babies, who grow into teenagers and
then turn into a useless overpopulation in places like Egypt.
However, it is in fact women who give birth to babies. They in turn are impregnated by men, the real biological cause. Men are the cause of babies, famine and sports.
Women, on the other hand, were only a minor economic hurdle, for the drain on food crops brought on by land used for cocoa production, for chocolate.
The connection between men, babies and chocolate is still being investigated.
However, it is in fact women who give birth to babies. They in turn are impregnated by men, the real biological cause. Men are the cause of babies, famine and sports.
Women, on the other hand, were only a minor economic hurdle, for the drain on food crops brought on by land used for cocoa production, for chocolate.
The connection between men, babies and chocolate is still being investigated.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Big Bang not alarmed by New Theory
Upstart young scientists in Egypt have made
revolutionary new calculations. It all started with a lunch of rice and chicken
at a Cairo café last summer that a professor and a doctoral student, Saurya
Dashad, had. A few lines were written on the back of an electric bill. In
weeks, Big Bang was completely gone. In their paper, Ali and
Dashad started with equations developed in the 1950s by physicist Amal Kumar
Raychaudhuri at Presidency University in Kolkata, India. These involved Bohmian
trajectories.
"The Big Bang singularity is the most serious problem of general relativity because the laws of physics appear to break down there," says Ahmed Farag Ali at Benha University and the Zewail City of Science and Technology.
We reached Big Bang at his office. He had a $40
dollar Mr. Coffee machine and served Starbucks coffee during the 5 minute
interview. "News of my death are greatly exaggerated." He is playing
tennis to keep in shape. Of the new theory, he would comment other than to the
mention of “gravity particles”, to which he commented “pah!”
"Ether" still appeared to be just a ghostly image of a pervasive medium throughout the universe. Although he too had an office. With tea in a pot.
"Ether" still appeared to be just a ghostly image of a pervasive medium throughout the universe. Although he too had an office. With tea in a pot.
The
office titled Quantum Mechanics is currently unoccupied. The Cosmology director
said they rarely hold on to the staff member for more than three weeks. He is
always here and there, mostly gone.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
After 45 years, Scorpions still Rock You Like A Hurricane.
"In 1977, we applied for pipefitter jobs but had not kept our licenses active so we had to go back to rocking." So here they are, the aging rockers.
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