Thursday, September 3, 2015

Americans Saved From Army Ants By Aerial Devices Over Jungle

Limon, Costa Rica – Aerial tram, zipline and suspension bridge operators and tour organizers are hanging and zipping hundreds of American over the Veragua Rain Forest every day. The eco-adventure can be a thrill and avoids some rainforest challenges faced on the ground.

Should any of the tourists, especially the elderly and weak, fall off the tram, they would be devoured by army ants underneath before rescue teams arrive.


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Kia Team Names New Vehicle

Seoul, Korea -- Having produced cars and SUVs with names like Sportage and Spectra, ad team and marketing heads scratched their heads for a full day. Brainstorming sessions and catered lunches were served. Legal had searches done on the ten final candidates.

The vehicle is a cross between a four-door car, a hatch back and an SUV. The team voted on the names and came up with the winner: Kia Ambiguity.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Area Man Can't Decide Between British Shows

Madison, WI -- Allan Marx, 39, was shopping for videos to watch with his pregnant wife Kathy, who is now on pregnancy leave till the blessed event in September. They watch a lot of BBC and other UK shows. He knows they are missing one season of New Tricks with Amanda Redman. They do not care for her replacement in a later season, though they watched that season too. But he thinks they have only watched three seasons of Lewis, so this 6th might be a sure bet. But he still can't decide. He is still waiting in the cafe at Barnes and Noble for Kathy's text approving one. The rest of the time till the baby they have a bunch of BBC historical shows that

Allan does not really care for on Netflix. He had a regular coffee and is now nibbling on a snack with ice water. The Netlix and DVDs are working well now, and they can watch them when the baby is asleep. Allan is still worried about his sports. He likes to watch them live. Maybe some kind of headphone radio for the sports? In case he is changing a diaper or something.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Scrapbooker Makes Album of Evil Ex-Husband

Milwaukee, WI -- Scrap-booker and health teacher Maryanne Kowalski, 37, started on a scrap book and photo album of her life with her ex husband. Toward the end she added some wrinkles and beard stubble and some beer cans with Photo Shop. 

In a brilliant move she took a photo of Ozzy and his daughter, was it Kelly? Anyway she put her ex and her daughter Pam into those clothes and that hair. 

Maryanne does not need therapy to get on with life. When she is done with the album, she puts it in the attic and is done with exes. For now. She has been photoshopping some potential boyfriends into family photos. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Area Wino Has All Conveniences

Kansas City, MO -- Area wino "Al", 63, has really all the conveniences he could ask. For half a year he has a hang out under a bridge, with passing bicyclists to wave to. They follow the canal that flows under the bridge. In winter Al is mostly indoors.
Sometimes he takes his shirt off if he sits at a nearby bench. Only when it's 85F, not 90F. His rooming house is near by. On his way to Mum's Liquor Store he passes the bridge and on the way back he stops under the bridge with the promised beer of the week on sale. It don't make any difference as long as it's not Bud Light. Al and sometimes a friend sit at the far end of the space. You can almost stand up there, but you have to watch your head getting out.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Windows 10 Removes Owner as User

Columbia, MO -- A user updated his (single male, 60's, no name given) Windows 7 desk top PC to Windows 10.  The upgrade kept several Users on the machine, guests and visiting children and a grandchild. But it removed the man himself. The User had no password and the username was apparently suspicious. Gone are his opera recordings that he did not back up from iTunes and most family pictures. He had managed to burn CDs of pictures prior to 2012.
The man is now busy recovering poor resolution pictures from his and his friends' Facebook and Photobucket accounts.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Area Songwriter Not Sure How Many Cigarettes He Brought Along

Edinburgh, Scotland -- Area songwriter Ian, 35, arrived at a gig with two cigarettes, but he was pretty sure he had two more stashed away in the guitar case. "Perhaps I can write a song about it?"

"On the other hand, young people don't smoke anymore! They pop pills and drink energy drinks. There is no song in that!"