Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Dessert first at Mar-a-Lago

Trump was getting frustrated at not getting anything done and having his Executive Orders blocked. The staff came up with an idea to cheer him up. "Write something you always wanted and we will get it passed." Trump blurted out Dessert First!

The policy will be effective immediately at Mar-a-Lago. It will then be implemented at the White House on days when there are no foreign guests at dinner.

"You can place the dessert aside, as dinner will be served ten minutes later. I for one will be eating it first" Trump explained.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Trump Unable to Ban Fluoride

TRUMP (reads): Repeated doses of infinitesimal amounts of fluoride will in time reduce an individual's power to resist domination, by slowly poisoning and narcotising a certain area of the brain, thus making him submissive to the will of those who wish to govern him! What more do you need?

 huge review on fluoride toxicity published by the National Research Council in 2006 reported a range of negative side effects from fluoride, including "decreased melatonin production" and "other effects on normal pineal function, which in turn could contribute to a variety of effects in humans"!

Ban fluoride now! Did you know that  in the United States during the late 1940s and 1950s, and to a lesser extent in the 1960s, activists on the far right of American politics routinely asserted that fluoridation was part of a far-reaching plot to impose a socialist or communist regime. 

STAFF: "But sir, the President does not rule over tap water. The EPA does, remotely, but we let the water quality people go."

TRUMP: Well, bring them back! Numerous studies researched by Harvard and China Medical University in Shanghai have shown that fluoride may be linked to reduced IQ in children, and even suggest that it could be toxic to a developing brain. I just confirmed all that with Xi.

And what about vitamin D in milk? What is it doing in there?

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Republicans torn on how to Screw America

The Republicans involved in Trump's healthcare reform are all pumped about these positive changes to improving the nation's character. The president is offering you a chance to take responsibility of your healthcare.

However, the two ends of the party simply cannot agree how to do this. They are torn between giving Americans almost nothing and nothing at all in the healthcare .

The Christian right has been blunt. Americans who fornicate, take drugs, drink alcohol and smoke drugs and tobacco must pay for their sins! Those who eat too much must pay as well, but as the entire caucus is overweight and half of them have diabetes, some help in that department might be available, A discount for knee replacement may also be possible.

The caucus is all agreed on one thing. They must support tax deductions to pay for care, if there is going to be any support at all, The current subsidies sound too socialist and European. What is coming next if Democrats have their way? Billing by doctors and hospitals that gives flat rates for all procedures? Unheard of! We must support business. An announcement on the final plan is coming within weeks.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Soccer Mom Buys All Sign Stuff from Target

Manchester, MO-- Area soccer mom Alice Long, 45, makes all her Trump protest signs with her kids. Well, except the one she made for her sister who is in college and did not have time to run to Target, The signs are turning out well.

Alice does all her shopping at Target anyway. That and Schnuck's for more groceries. But she would not get the supplies at Hobby Lobby anyway. "I used to work there. They would not pay for my birth control and accused me of not being a Christian."  She had her third and fourth daughters while not being on birth control. Then her husband got a better job that had actual insurance.

Here is the sign for her sister Beth:

Trump buys psychiatric hospital

With advice from family and friends, Trump is taking care of every possible future for himself. While he is picking up conspiracy theories from Alex Jones, he has come up with a few of his own. He has seen a man in a white coat following around at the white house and in Florida. Secret service told him it was the nurse on duty.

However, Trump thinks this is a psychiatrist who is "out to get him." If this were to happen, Trump has bought a psychiatric hospital in upstate New York. It has been emptied of patients but has a doctor and nurse on staff, plus a heavy guard.

Should the facility be called on to service, Trump would be the only patient there. A chef will be hired shortly.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Area Christian names child Luke

Boise, ID --Area Christian names child Luke.

Moses Schmidt, 48, father of Matthew (18), Mark (17), John(16), Rachel(15), Thea(13), Mary (11) and Tiffany (9) decided that their new child was the answer to his prayers for Luke, to complete the Gospel theme. The girl, Luke Catherine Schmidt, was baptized Sunday in a private ceremony at the Schmidt ranch.