Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Area Stoner Finds Pink Floyd Unstocked for four weeks

Cincinnati, OH -- Area stoner Frank Miller, 45, works in a strip mall as a bag boy at Kroger. In the mall is also a Best Buy store. On his break, if he has no cigarettes, he may wander in there. Frank knows there will be possibly the last official Pink Floyd release in the fall. He has a one disc collection from Target in his Toyota Corolla that has been in there since the release. All the real albums are neatly at home.

"Yeah, I know where the bin is. You can't see the card but if I pull it up you can see the bin is empty. There were new Zeppelin CDs stocked just this week."

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Here and There

Nashville, TN -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis is about to have a second major hit. Recorded in the late summer, while Earl was stuck home scratching chigger bites after a fishing trip, the song has universal appeal and has been released in country rock and traditional versions.

The protagonist, Earl, is "here", while his beloved is "there", far away. The song immediately struck a chord with truck drivers and road crew workers working away from home. However, the appeal appears to be broader. Female listeners who also appear to be "here" while their beloved is "there" are buying the song as downloads and CD singles.

Yardsales Unrewarding

The Hamptons-- The Berkshire family, one of them green families living on the cheap in a three bedroom house, took up a round of garage sales and yard sales on Saturday. Father Jack was rewarded with a fly fishing rod and some hand made lures.
"I'll take up fly fishing some day. In state of course. No Alaska for me."

The third stop seemed to be ahouse with a lot of Ikea stuff and video games.
"Holden, there's games", announced Mitzi. She could spot there were no Fiestaware dishes.
"Mom, I'm texting."

Mitzi and Holden opened the doors while Jack went to look for "interesting stuff."

On Sunday they will do antiques, because "we like antiques and we don't go to church since we gave up the Unitarians." They claim to be secular humanists.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Area Man Disposes 30 years of collected screws and nuts and nails

Cincinnati, OH -- "Yeah, we are moving to a condo, and they do most of the maintenance. I'll save some picture hangers and curtain rod stuff," explained Harry Smith, 62.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Area Man Falls In Love With Cat Lady

Worcester, MA -- Clovis Anderson, 44, has fallen madly in love with Heather.

When buddies at work bug him about the phone calls and the slight domesticity that has entered the confirmed bachelor's life, he just explains her as some kind of cat lady.

She is in her 50's and used to work at a local call center. She then had some health issue and some kind of settlement for it. Now she has a house and five cats.

"I can put up with them cats at least for the weekend. We hardly ever meet during the week, except maybe a restaurant if we can afford it.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

AC Return Vent Seen It All

Chesterfield, MO -- Area return vent just got painted one more time. This time they did not even bother unscrewing it. Only on two occasions was it removed to paint.

"I've seen five families move through this house. The only really interesting change was when a teenage girl painted me blood red. The wall was blue then. She had all kinds of horror
movie posters and liked to paint objects in her room red. I guess I was next as I am in the hall way outside her door."

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Professor thinks Jack White Songs Are About Something

Princeton NJ -- Having gone through several term papers dealing with the song lyrics of Jack White, the professor of a literature class given at the university asked for some mp3's of the songs.

Richard Thompson, 56, thinks that the songs are actually about something. "It's even more difficult than with Dylan to see if there was actually some human encounter behind the lyrics, or if they are just strung together."

And I swear
Besides the hair
She had one white eye,
One black(nk) stare
Lookin' up
Lyin' there.

On the stand
near her hand
Was a candy cane
Black rum, sugar cane,
Dry ice (and) something strange.

"That has to be a blank stare.  And then there's":

I'm going to Wichita
Far from this opera for evermore
I'm gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore

"I think he's been listening to blues and is channeling sweat and blood back to us. It does sound like he had something in mind, and the mood is pretty clear usually."