Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Wildlife Refuge Occupiers Not Getting Attention

Burns, Oregon -- The last four occupiers at the Malheur refuge have not had communications with the world for a day. Supporters post the same old pictures of cowboy outfitted Bundy and pals as well as the four still inside. "They are demonstrating their constitutional rights of free speech and peaceful armed demonstration."


Stuck with nothing but a transistor radio, the four listened to broadcasts of the New Hampshire primary.

Occupier 1: Bernie is kicking butt. Hillary is going to explain something in a bit so we'll just turn it off.
Occupier 2: Good.
Occupier 3: Guys, we are turning into old news. I have a dental issue, I might have to pack it in.
Occupier 1: Just one more week, we have some ibuprofen for your tooth.

None of the four have any feelings at all for Donald Trump who gave them no words of encouragement. 

One occupant was cleaning up and inventorying the remaining fuel and cans of beans. Lights out at 10 PM.



Friday, February 5, 2016

Last Thursday Thousands of TV Remotes Lost and Found

America, various locations -- America has lost its TV remote again. It’s not like it’s the first time, but on a National TV Remote Loss Index, Thursday was 100, compared to the average 50.
One was found upstairs stuck in the cordless phone dock. The owner noticed it going to bed and could sleep more peacefully.

Another one was found under the sofa pillows as usual.

A third one went upstairs to the kitchen with the dishes after the pizza party. Harry was about to put it in the sink with the plates, catching it from the running faucet at the last second.

Mrs. Janice Olsen has always put it down on the coffee table, where it sits safely with a few other items, such as books. Now she had received a phone call and taken the remote to mute it while doing so. Absentmindedly she put the phone back and carried the remote to the bedroom. Her husband had been looking for an AA size battery and instantly took the remote to use the battery. The remote was later found in his shoe in his closet. They have separate closets and bathrooms.

A TV remote was lost among five other black remotes in the room. The owner went and bought a sixth one and programmed the new one, before he located the remote in the pile among his electronic toys.
The remote at the dental office has once more gone home with one of the patients. They usually bring it back.

One remote was relocated with the aid of a cat.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Mozart demoted to shoe box!

Sioux Falls, S.D. -- Medieval scholar, Renaissance Fair organizer and local Taco Bell manager Jesus Gonzales took time over the weekend (he only had to work Friday at Taco Bell) to organize his CD colection. CDs had started to collect on the coffee table. The ten world music Cds got their own 20 CD plastic case ("I might get some more"), but his 26 Mozart CDs went to a shoe box, placed on a shelf in the closet. They were marked Mozart on both ends of the shoe box. "I think they will be quite happy next to the Haydn symphonies shoe box," commented Gonzales.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Christmas Tree Shocked At His Fate

Gloucester MA -- Area Christmas tree had the second shock of his life. The first was when he was cut down and shipped off.

"I knew my days were numbered without roots, but I had gotten used to all the attention I received at the lovely Johnson family in their living room. The lights were there most of the day even when I was left alone."

"I was also touched by the story of Baby Jesus and Santa. Perhaps one of them could perform a miracle and give me new roots so I could live in the Johnson yard!"

Instead, on Monday, Jan 4, the family dad Jim yanked him out of the stand with the help of Andy and Sue unscrewing the stand underneath. The tree was simply tied on the roof of their Honda with bungee cords.

After a short ride he was taken down at a local park, seeing the scene of Christmas excess dumped there, some with a few ornaments still attached.

Still alive, the tree was piled up on the other victims and closed his eyes to eternal sleep. In his mind he still could hear the laughter and partying, even through new Year's. Another tree in the pile had been neglected since December 25, never even watered after the presents were opened. On reflection he though it was still a good two weeks in the Johnson home. It could have been worse. He could have been that neglected tree:




Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Classic Rock Tracks Exclusive and Inclusive, Depending

Audio-trackatron has been monitoring oldies radio stations and had to finally add a new song to the world wide list for English speaking countries. A Blue Oyster Cult song will soon be named. 


This was due to one being removed.  "A song from 1975 that we can't name, for legal reasons, was removed from the list. It has been popular for 20 years but was no longer needed. Nobody hates it, but a gentleman from Melbourne, Australia was the only one who called in to his station when we pulled it out last time. He has now passed away." The song is apparently in the Southern Rock genre. We have a picture of Jim enjoying Lynyrd Skynyrd a year ago.


Thursday, December 17, 2015

Area Birder Counts Same Geese Five Times

Cleveland, OH -- As part of a national Christmas Bird Count effort sponsored by Audubon, birder Jonathan Smith, 25 went to a nearby state park with ponds and trails.

He counted 17 birds at the North end of heron wetlands. They all flew away as he walked the shore counting other birds. Then he counted 17 birds at the South end. They also flew off. 


Jonathan had a bike with him to take him to the other three ponds not shown on the map. There were 17 Canada geese and on one snow goose eating grass near the first of these ponds. They went to the pond for safety. Jonathan covered woodlands for half an hour and returned to the bike, finding all the last geese gone. As he went back to the car by bike, two more ponds with 17 geese were found. One set had the snow goose with them. He did not count that again. Grand total: 85 Canada geese and one snow goose.