Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Tire Dealership Wishes You A Merry Christmas

Salem, MA -- The proprietors and mechanics of The Plaza Tire Service wish you a Merry Christmas from their hearts. This sincere wish was signed by Jim, Bart, Ray and Paul who hung up their
stockings in the waiting room. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and Folgers coffee is available all day every day. No purchase necessary.

Ray and Paul are bachelors who will spend their Christmas alone as usual. But they will cheerfully change your tire on Friday the 26th.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Expecting couple reject key-chain-name

Houston, TX-- 
Ross and Michelle McDaniel rejected their current favorite name for a daughter to be born in two weeks. They had just spent  the afternoon at a gaming and amusement center, where Ross’s employer, The Anderson Financial Group, had one large area reserved for the annual company holiday gathering. On their way out, they stopped at a Warner Brothers themed gift shop. Michelle was only looking for some nice baby clothes with colorful cartoon characters, when she saw the key-chain stand. "Ross honey, come right here", she said, holding up a key chain with the name Gabrielle on it. Ross was speechless, as they wanted an unusual name, such as Gabrielle. Previously, several months ago, Hannah and Abigail were rejected for the same reason. "We’ll think of something. I’m not approving Fiona or Bjork. We don’t even use umlauts here." Ross was unable to pronounce Bj√∂rk correctly.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Our People In Mud Homes Were More Developed Than Yours!

Museums in Ruthenia and Pottsylvania have declared war, each declaring themselves the mud home innovators. Both museums are opening exhibits about life in mud homes starting a thousand years ago, with the mud homes of the 1800s as the ultimate mud technology. The exhibits will both open on New Year's Day.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

English Major Edits Engineering Magazine

Washington, DC -- Happy to land his first real job, Mark Bolan, 25, starts Monday as editor of an Engineering magazine for professionals.

"There is an engineer editor as well, but they write in a really boring way. I can't wait to start. No more Hundred Years of Solitude or Great Expectations."

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Spielberg Criticizes Camera work in Own Dream

Los Angeles, CA -- Spending time at one of their several homes, Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw were discussing dreams one morning. Kate had dreams that involved Sawyer, Mikaela, Destry and her mother.

Steven then began with a little bit of plot. The dream involved a drifter coming to town, a single mother and a corner store. Spielberg himself had only a cameo role. But the dream was vivid. Ten minutes later he was still discussing camera angles, fades and editing, when Kate started to express boredom. Steven quickly summed up the dream and stated: "Funny, this dream had no soundtrack. It needed a little more drama."

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Republicans To Ban Travel To "Foreign" Countries

Washington, D.C. -- Republicans have focused on domestic issues and Obama for the November election so far.
With the ebola crisis ongoing, the party plans to add a new issue to the campaign. Travel to foreign countries will be banned for the next two years. Goods will be imported, but no ship personnel are allowed to land in the USA. You may be able to drive to Canada for a while, but not to Mexico. All travelers will be allowed 30 days to get back home and stay.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Fat Lady made 49 Cookie Trips

Indianapolis, Indiana-- At the Continental Insurance Co, Beth the office manager brought in a huge tin of Danish cookies for the coffee area. Coffee was made 4 times today, but co-workers counted Tina, the fat lady, making 49 separate trips to the tin, picking one cookie each time. A trail of crumbs lead to her work area.