Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Remastered Hand-holding Songs Selling Well

London -- Hand-holding Songs from the 1960s by a group called The Beatles are selling well, reports" EMI". The albums that sounded good on LP and single now sound almost as good in their remastered form. The first four albums contained songs appropriate for the teens of the 1960s. Recorded at the time when toilets were banned from TV shows and moms and dads had separate bedrooms, the love songs often tell of "me" and "you", though one is titled She Loves You, a clever third person lyric for the times.


In the fall 2014 version, the LP's are rereleased in analog and MONO versions.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Miss America Becomes Brain Surgeon

Concord, N.H. -- Miss America Kathleen Sullivan from ten years ago was going to be "an astronaut, fashion model and brain surgeon." The first two careers did not work out, so she is now a brain surgeon in Concord.


Thursday, August 28, 2014

Global warming useless

Global warming useless to London teen Rebecca: it does not tell her if she needs a sweater tomorrow.

"Like, I feel for those polar bears and all, but I have serious sweater issues this week," explained Rebecca.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Old timer sells book and CD

Baltimore--Book seller Ed Winston, 78, pretends to be interested in customer's book and CD while adding up $7.50 in sales. In his head he always thinks "it's all crap but if they want to pay for it."


Saturday, August 9, 2014

Bachelor Replaces Rag Under Driver Seat

Pittsburgh, PA -- Bachelor John Michaels, 37, decided today to toss out the rag that has been, uncleaned, under the driver seat of his '90s Toyota Corolla since he bought it seven years ago.


"It was too far gone to wash, I put a different old towel under there, with the ice scraper that also stays there."

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Singer Lands First Gig

Indianapolis, IN -- Singer Zack Meyer, 19, landed his first real paying gig, outside of an amateur rock band of his. In a one hour session Zack recorded both the lead vocal and a two part chorus, with a musician playing keyboards live to a canned percussion track. The lines went:

Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Center
Don't Suffer In Silence

Zack got paid $500, and the musician, also there for other sessions, $200.