Thursday, May 5, 2016

Trend setting teens: smoking and babies

Seward, NE -- This is the new world! These are the Trump voter youth.

Sheila Knox, 18, is expecting her baby in September. She graduates high school this month and is moving in with boyfriend Billy, 18, at that time. Billy works at the Sinclair station and has taken up smoking. "It's my gap year," says Sheila. She is going to community college or beauty college after a year and when the baby is one year old.

Sandra, 18, gave up smoking during the pregnancy, but is smoking a half a pack again while taking care of Mary. "I don't smoke with her in the room and rarely with the car window down and my cigarette outside."

Sandra is working on getting Larry to agree to a wedding date. Larry is excited about the election. "I'm voting for Trump. He'll start a small war. I'll enlist and get some benefits out of that." Larry is the exception in the group of six friends all related to Sheila in some way. He does not smoke. Larry drinks some Bud Light and drives the beer delivery truck.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Oregon Politician Not Able to say the G-word

Washington, DC -- A libertarian politician from Oregon likes to hang out in bars after work and is often asked what he is doing in Washington from Oregon. "I'm a lobbyist" is his standard answer.

The problem with Peter Longmire is that he hates government. He does not like any government, but he thinks the federal crooks are the worst. But here is the problem. Just like the crooks, he gets a paycheck from the government.

"I'm not here to pass any new laws. Not any laws that might be signed by Obama. I'm here to make sure no more federal restrictions are placed on individuals. I'm a lifetime NRA member."

When conversation at the bar gets to his favorite subjects, he hints that he might be able to "do something." They ask "like what?" He then asks them to name something specific.

As the evening moves along and the plans get crazier and crazier, he might let is slip that he is out there in "congress." He might be in Government, but certainly not working FOR the Federal Government. "I work for the people back home. We want the government out of there with the wild life refuge land. We can take care of a few birds and critters." Turning to his bar crowd he says: we'll shoot them!

Since he works for his voters in Oregon and gets a federal paycheck, he says he is not really taking anything away from Oregon. In fact he saves a lot of his salary and invests it back home.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Trader Joe's Refuses To Hire Philosopher

Farmington, MA -- Area philosopher Matt Geiger, 25, has applied at the local Trader Joe's stores every time there is an opening. Currently he is working in a shoe store near one and is on a first name basis with all the clerks in the store. Sometimes he goes in there to straighten out the produce packages and sweeps coffee off the floor near the coffee grinder.

He has the experience and is friendly, but has figured out they discriminate him because he has an MA in philosophy and has never used his degree. "They even employ dropped out chemistry majors, failed architects, auto mechanics between jobs, you name it! I feel there is a corporate policy against philosophers. I've asked around, they never hired one that I know. One psychologist."

Meanwhile, the corporate office denies any discrimination. One of the employees thinks there is a bell curve approach to hiring. "If you fall outside the bell curve in three things, like former salary and stuff like that, they do not hire you."

Matt was even willing to change his snappy dress style to a more relaxed baseball cap and shorts all year. It seemed like a desperate attempt. Shoppers at the local store have started treating the young man with the suit jacket as an employee, and are not aware of the conflict.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Single Mom: I Need My Coal!

Covington, KY -- Area mom Madge McCarthy has gone vocal just before Earth Day to complain about the cost of electricity.

"I don't care about Al Gore and his warming. He can sit in his cozy castle and warm all he likes. I need my electricity!"

She has obviously been watching the Fox Channel, as she seems to think coal is the solution. We in fact sell coal mining rights cheaply and it has been providing a steady source of energy for over a hundred years in the US.

"And I want my kids to be able to go in our little yard and see robins and pigeons. I don't want them killed by windmills. "

She does not seem to know the robins and pigeons are not migratory in Kentucky and there is not a wind mill within a hundred miles they could fly into.

"And  I don't care about sea levels rising and corals dissolving or whatever they do. My kids will never see any coral anyway."

Though she had no high school chemistry, she is probably right there, her kids are unlikely to travel to the ocean.

And what about the polar bears?
"The polar bears can go to the zoos! We go to the Cincinnati Zoo once a year with my ex-husband's mom to see the polar bears. When it dies, we'll take another one from Canada. They'll have some till I have grand kids, right?"

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Area Cat Couldn't Care Less, But...

Sacramento-- Area cat Monty has been ignoring things, even cat things, all equally. Looking on all people and objects with equal disdain, Monty is purring with satisfaction.

The other cat, the black cat, has been getting some extra disdain, other than in the kitchen where Monty is forced to look out for himself when they are eating.

A package was delivered by UPS and is sitting on the concrete slab out front. Monty took a quick glance at it but resumed ignoring the box after the door bell chime quit its annoying hum at the end.

Some pillows were sticking out from the couch and Monty took a half hearted swipe at one, knocking it on the floor.

There were some goldfinches outside making the annoying finch noise. Never mind.

Out on the counter were some keys on hooks and some wallets and things. By them there was a cup with mint candies in wrappers. Once upon a time Monty had played with a few of the candies. Not today.

Monty took a post lying down on the mistress's bed, with the pillow pulled out from under the cover. He lay there waving his tail in front of his face. It's his tail, nothing interesting there, all parts are familiar.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Nocturnal Birdwatcher Still Working on first 200 Birds

Wilmington, DE -- Area bird watcher Al Franken, 39, has been watching birds for 10 years. He has been in every state and has even the rarest elf owl. But he is missing ducks and song birds and such.

"I got pretty good at sleeping duck ID in the afternoon. But some are still missing. Like American Wigeon."

I read the books at night so I can do most of the shorebirds. I can tell a dowitcher even though I have never seen one. Gulls give me a headache but I do run into them in urban settings, 

"I did get all the owls on my owl tour of the US. I would get up at noon, drive to the next spot for 6 hours and birds all night." He did get night jars, whip poor wills and other birds of dusk in the process.

"In the early morning as I drove to the motel for a nap I did hear some of the annoying chirpy birds in the woods and the edges of woods. But I was not going to bother with the songs just yet. Maybe some day."

Hotels were not always cooperative with his hours so he rented an RV for two weeks of his tour.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Trump Supporter Angry

Boise, ID -- Area Trump supporter Carl, 21, is angry. He is angry because he has not finished community college in heating and air conditioning and had to wait to the spring term to retake a class he failed so he can graduate. He is angry at having to work as a bus boy at a chain cafe and restaurant.

He is angry that Nancy, cropped from the photo, dumped him. He is angry at Oregon.

"They should lease that land to the ranchers and let them take care of it. To heck with the sage grouse and migratory birds,"

Carl learned the term migratory birds from Nancy yapping at him about the birds every week end. They even had to go look at some cranes once. They may have seen some grouse. He was not sure.

He is angry at homosexuals. "I have to serve them and clean up tables and stuff."

He is angry at Obama. "I had to spemd hours at healthcare,gov. Why can't I just go to some insurance guy and let him do it? I can even have him look at my income tax forms. As long as the government does  not come knocking at my door."

Immigrants? He is not quite sure there. He likes Mexican food and really has no local issues with illegals other than the one guy two years ago that dented his car a bit. even that guy gave him 100 dollars in cash and they shook hands on it.

He is not really angry at religious people or abortionists. He has no intention of voting for Cruz. 

March 8 he is going to vote for Trump.

"If Trump is not on ticket in November, will you vote?"