Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Mom's iTunes songs fit on one CDR!

Iowa City, IA -- After his mom lost her third mini iPod, Scott McKenzie, 17, realized she does not even need an iPod, necessarily. The few hundred songs fit on one CDR as mp3 files. She can just play the same CD in the Honda Odyssey CD player! Initially he burned her a copy of all the artists in alphabetical order. "It does not shuffle," she complained. Scott then numbered all the songs in the mp3 folder. He then took all the 1's (1, 11, 21, 31 etc.) and put them in one folder. Then he did the same for the 2's, 3's etc. The folders can be played individually or the whole string from beginning to end. He made a spare copy for her with the folders in a different order. He made cases for the two CDs and put them in the Honda. At that time he found the oldest iPod she had lost. It was under the driver's seat, covered in mud.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Bufffalo Confused About Celebrating

Rapid City, SD -- An area bison, a five year old female, came to share some of her day with Christians Celebrating Life right next to her enclosure.

Kari: Do you celebrate life?
Bison: I don't understand.
Kari: Is life sacred to you?
Bison: I don't understand.

Kari took a different approach.
Kari: You see these Christians have strong beliefs about life after death, and with these thoughts in mind they can stand doing their miserable boring tasks as there is a reward at the end.
Bison: Reward?
Kari: Eternal life.
Bison: I don't understand.
Kari: You can do whatever you like.
Bison: Eat and roll in the grass?
Kari: No, not that.
Bison: Then there is no point. If you excuse me, I have to go over there to celebrate life. The grass is kind of short here.

Birdwatchers Jagger and Watts

Singapore – Stuck in Singapore during a promotional visit to the East, Rolling Stones Jagger
and Watts turn into twitchers.

Hopping into limos with binoculars, scopes, global position finders and cell phones, the novice bird watchers managed to get ticks on their life lists for these birds: Striated Yuhina, Blue-Winged Minla, Clamorous Reed Warbler and Goldcrest. "I must have Goldcrest in my yard back home, but you see we just started this," explained Jagger. "We know Mick is after the birds, but this is ridiculous," stated bandmate Richards. "I could come and look at some owls, though, if you find any," he added. Richards was not going to get up before noon.





Sunday, May 10, 2015

Weeds Put Up Roadblock Overnight

Lincoln, NE -- Pioneering weeds have put up a road block to stop a development in SE Lincoln. They claim that pioneering species have the right to occupy a bulldozed lot waiting for financial backing prior to building duplex homes at this proposed street.
Their spokesperson Rumex Crispus got elected to Lincoln City Council on the Pioneering Plants initiative.

"I am an immigrant from Europe, but so are the ancestors of most Nebraskans. I've been here for 200 generations whereas most of you for less than 10."


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Book fails to find Thing for Bono

A book that purportedly explains the story behind every U2 song fails to explain just what the songwriters were after.  Is the song about finding or about looking for? Make up your mind! Vague hints at gospel like and spiritual searching, already noted in the Wikipedia entry, really led nowhere.

The current book offers the following:





 Perhaps it just is a never-ending quest.

Monday, April 27, 2015

SCIENCE Turns Out to Be Liberal Propaganda

Portland, OR-- Reverend Larry Thornton of the Portland Church on the Rock, has been reading publications of the Discovery Institute and has drawn some conclusions.

"We must encourage home schooling for those of us that can afford it. We only provide the six grades here at the church school. I have discovered that ALL, yes ALL of science is a liberal atheist conspiracy. Global Warming, evolution and all that. Sure they throw in polio vaccine and penicillin and microwave ovens once in a while. But all that is to finance their actual atheist agenda," said Larry in last Sunday's town hall meeting.

Which organizations would you name as atheist, Dr. Thornton?
"Here, I have the list, you can just take the list."

NASA
World Meteorological Organization (WMO)
United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP)
Canadian Foundation for Climate and Atmospheric Sciences
European Geosciences Union.
Royal Meteorological Society
University of Michigan
Norwegian Meteorological Institute
The Smithsonian
Laboratoire de Glaciologie et Géophysique de l’Environnement

(the list went on for five pages)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Rich Guy Not Really Into Rich Guy Stuff

Minneapolis-- David Cameron, 65, has gone out of his way to keep people from asking for his money and trying to sell him stuff he does not want. The millionaire stock broker and bachelor (a stock photo from 15 years ago was given)
has lived in the same 2 bedroom house for 40 years. All he needs is a long wide drive way for the boat and a one car garage for the Chevy pick up he uses to haul the boat to the lake. His dog Nelly accompanies him on all his boating trips and sometimes steers the boat. David has a fishing license but has never bothered to cook any of the fish he catches. "There's restaurants out there where I eat, usually hamburgers."

The types of things other rich people spend money on does not bother David. Houses, boats, swiming pools, vacation condos in Cancun. "It's their money."