Tuesday, March 12, 2019

My Daddy Knew The Wright Brothers

Donald Trump has become the world expert on things that go wrong. "They are too complicated!" Trump mentioned today that his dad knew the Wright Brothers and through this Trump also knew everything about airplanes when he was three years old.


"They invented  the three-axis control system, which enabled the pilot to steer the aircraft effectively and to maintain its equilibrium. This method remains standard on fixed-wing aircraft of all kinds."

Trump has sat in single engine planes and observed the steering. "It's like a steering wheel in a car but you can pull it too." You don't need any of this autopilot stuff. "Boeing should make regular planes so we can buy them. Because we are not buying any Airbus planes."


Thursday, February 28, 2019

Trump walks away, Kim walks away

President Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un have had pleasant meals together. Aside from these pleasant moments, neither Trump and his small crew of interpreters and advisors, or Kim, with at least a security team running along...


...came up with anything further to add to their previous half way friendly "agreements to try to agree on something."

Both leaders have extensive experience with failure, and mansplaining away what went wrong. There was no anger, both men are thinking "how will this play at home."


Trump called in a staff member to bounce off ideas. It took only five minutes to come up with the message.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY!

Kim, sitting on the train home had already compiled the messages to be sent out and handed them off to his staff on hand to send to the press at home:

TRUMP IS WEAK AND HIS DEAL WILL NOT LAST, WE WALKED AWAY.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Trump wants to Deport Cheech and Chong to Mexico

Having been to El Paso and flipping through TV channels on the way home, Donald Trump ran across a channel with Cheech and Chong movie. He called in a staff member.


Trump: Can you find out where they are?
Bill: Yes sir. It will take a short while. Why?
Trump: I want to deport them to Mexico.
Bill: You can only deport Chong. To Canada. He is naturalized.
Trump: No, I want Mexico, and I want them both.
Bill: Cheech Marin was born in California. He lives in Malibu.
Trump: ?? OK, are they gay? Are they both there? Did their house burn?
Bill: No, they are not gay. Malibu was not burned. I don't know where Chong lives.
Trump: Can we deport them both to Canada? They have that marijuana law, they will like it there.
Bill: That won't work. You could deport Chong, he's had some drug problems, but he survived cancer twice. It won't make you popular even in Texas.
Trump: OK, it we can't get them both, forget it then. I wanted to send the Mexican back to Mexico anyway. Not the Canadian to Canada.
Bill: Fine, sir. He's not Canadian anymore, and all his kids are American.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Do you feel the love?

President Trump has turned a new leaf. He will make us one happy family, whether we want it or not.


He will stop the killing of black babies by liberals. Prescription drugs will be slashed. Illegal drugs will be completely stopped once we Build The Wall!  No more opiate crisis!

Democrats can no longer hold back the man on a mission. Feel the love! Get 9 dollar an hour jobs at Wal Mart! Make a huge standard deduction and pay 0% tax!

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Build a Wall and Crime Will Fall!

President Trump is now fully psyched up about giving the first ever State of The Union address in a hockey arena.


The house is not invited, but all members of the US Senate are welcome to attend at Trump's expense. Even Democrats! The State of The Union will focus on the wall. In fact "Build a Wall and Crime Will Fall" is pretty much the entire speech, with some flourishes by speech writers and examples of crimes such as the shooting of four Americans by illegals in Nevada.


Monday, January 14, 2019

”I didn’t work for Russia! Not even Q’doba pro quo!”

Trump met with Putin in Helsinki and we were wondering what was exchanged.


Now we know part of the story. Burritos were not exchanged for pirogi. Because Trump stated that ”I didn’t work for Russia! Not even Q’doba pro quo!”

Q'doba does not have a Helsinki store but we do know what they sell.