Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Mom washes perfectly clean shirts

Kirkwood, MO -- Mom washes clean shirts after camping. Scott Tanenbaum, 12, had no idea which were the clean socks or underwear, but he was sure he did not wear the two plain t-shirts on a scout camping trip over the week end. They camped at a cabin owned by an Illinois scout troop. Mom Kathy washed all the clothes found in Scott's day pack, as they smelled of smoke and generally "outdoorsy". Besides, they were in the same pack with a pair of soggy, muddy socks.

The washed shirt was a bit damp, so it was hanging on the exercise bike in the basement.

Scott had planned to wear the plain red one to school. He has a complicated color scheme he follows through the week, depending on the occasion. “Where is my red shirt, mom?” It was in the basement, just like mom said.

Confident Roy Moore packing Monument to take to Washington

On the eve of the Alabama special election, judge Roy Moore's staff was packing up the Ten Commandment monument to send to Washington:

It will be displayed in his office at the Senate office building. Or perhaps even in the common area of his floor.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Trump wants NASA to send probe to infinity and beyond!

After reading reports of the Rocket Man's last missile, Trump was surprised that the missile went so high. "It's really really really high, thousands of kilometers." This got the president thinking. After lunch and two Diet Cokes he asked to speak "to the head guy at NASA." In the conversation he said he would get funding for a new project. He wanted them to send "something" out to space, really really far. And get a message back from "the thing" near the end of his second term from "really really far."

"Would that be infinity, sir?"
Trump replied he wanted it to go to "infinity and beyond."
"We'll give it a shot. 2024 then?"

Monday, November 27, 2017

Trump Secretly Listening to King Crimson

If this got out, Mike pence would never forgive him. But President Trump is having trouble sleeping more than four hours. The diet pills do that. Tweeting only takes so much time. Once a week Trump pulls out a portable CD player and his precious Japanese pressings of the King Crimson catalog.

He then pours an ounce of red wine and sips a part of it while listening to these classic progressive rock albums. The president has no fancy tastes in food, he will eat chicken from a bucket. But while he pretends to listen to brass bands on patriotic occasions, this is what he really loves. He never listens to the lyrics much, he absorbs the sound with his full body.

If things really get bad during the day and Trump has a tantrum, he has been led to his quarters to relax. He listens to the song Islands by King Crimson then.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Trump entertains golfers with Blackhawk

While vacationing at Mar-a-Lago, President Trump had military things on his mind. He had been talking with the generals during the week. Did you know that fighter jets are almost invisible?

While golfing, the president had arranged for a Blackhawk to land nearby. His foursome climbed into the helicopter. It was so cool. The pilots let Trump sit in a pilot seat and turn some of the controls with the rotor spinning slowly. "Did you know the rotor blades change angle when they spin around?" he asked Tiger Woods. Tiger gave him some of the basic principles of the helicopter from Sikorsky. "Yeah, it's terrific, using science for really terrific stuff! Not like that useless NASA."

The golfers took a short flight around Mar-a-Lago and landed back on the same spot. Trump announced he was going to sell some more Blackhawks to Turkey so they they can control the Kurds better. "It's just the basic version the army uses, those run about six million dollars."

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Chaos at Birdlife Federation meeting

Tampa-- participants had gathered to present posters describing bird and habitat programs from their states at a Tampa conference center and hotel. The event had a poster session describing current programs and the funding for these state and national efforts.

A day was devoted for birding together. Some participants had not birded Florida before. "Nice birds, but it's not like in the prairie. Wait till you see our snow buntings, longspurs and horned larks next year." The meeting will be in the Black Hills next year. Some East coast birders were not particularly impressed by this list. "They are not really interesting. They just scrape the ground for seeds."

On the third day, awards were presented for posters and the funds were announced for the most promising habitat work. Neither prairies or forests won this year. The money went to wetland preservation in two states. At this point all hell broke loose and the participants losing funding for the first time (Organizers blamed an election year in 2016 for loss of funding. People were not interested in donating to "all kinds of things."). The winning poster was knocked over at the presentation and they apparently trashed the common area in the hotel.

The local Fox station did a short piece on it, concluding that "we did not know people could be so passionate about rather useless public land and its conservation."

Friday, November 3, 2017

President offers Beautiful Present

Donald Trump is promising the tax cuts will pass, a beautiful Christmas present for all

There will presents for Trump

As well as presents for his faithful followers: