Thursday, August 28, 2014

Global warming useless

Global warming useless to London teen Rebecca: it does not tell her if she needs a sweater tomorrow.

"Like, I feel for those polar bears and all, but I have serious sweater issues this week," explained Rebecca.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Old timer sells book and CD

Baltimore--Book seller Ed Winston, 78, pretends to be interested in customer's book and CD while adding up $7.50 in sales. In his head he always thinks "it's all crap but if they want to pay for it."


Saturday, August 9, 2014

Bachelor Replaces Rag Under Driver Seat

Pittsburgh, PA -- Bachelor John Michaels, 37, decided today to toss out the rag that has been, uncleaned, under the driver seat of his '90s Toyota Corolla since he bought it seven years ago.


"It was too far gone to wash, I put a different old towel under there, with the ice scraper that also stays there."

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Singer Lands First Gig

Indianapolis, IN -- Singer Zack Meyer, 19, landed his first real paying gig, outside of an amateur rock band of his. In a one hour session Zack recorded both the lead vocal and a two part chorus, with a musician playing keyboards live to a canned percussion track. The lines went:

Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Center
Don't Suffer In Silence

Zack got paid $500, and the musician, also there for other sessions, $200.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Area Stoner Finds Pink Floyd Unstocked for four weeks

Cincinnati, OH -- Area stoner Frank Miller, 45, works in a strip mall as a bag boy at Kroger. In the mall is also a Best Buy store. On his break, if he has no cigarettes, he may wander in there. Frank knows there will be possibly the last official Pink Floyd release in the fall. He has a one disc collection from Target in his Toyota Corolla that has been in there since the release. All the real albums are neatly at home.

"Yeah, I know where the bin is. You can't see the card but if I pull it up you can see the bin is empty. There were new Zeppelin CDs stocked just this week."

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Here and There


Nashville, TN -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis is about to have a second major hit. Recorded in the late summer, while Earl was stuck home scratching chigger bites after a fishing trip, the song has universal appeal and has been released in country rock and traditional versions.

The protagonist, Earl, is "here", while his beloved is "there", far away. The song immediately struck a chord with truck drivers and road crew workers working away from home. However, the appeal appears to be broader. Female listeners who also appear to be "here" while their beloved is "there" are buying the song as downloads and CD singles.