Monday, October 15, 2018

Trump has Ancestry done: he is 99% Aryan!

Not to be out done by Elizabeth Warren, and also to avoid paying her a million (he never pays anything until sued) and distracting with his own news, Trump has gone and had his DNA tested. He is 99% Aryan! There is 1% that is something else, maybe Spanish of Moorish. But only that much!

Friday, October 12, 2018

Trump to sign order to eliminate Red Knots and save fishing jobs

Mr Trump claims he is a bird lover. But he only likes resident birds that do not migrate to Mexico and come back to take worms from our robins. He stated all that last year:

Trump Join Audubon

Now it was brought to Trump's attention that environmentalists want to save Red Knots. These are migratory birds!

They just come by and feast on horseshoe crab eggs in Delaware and move on to nest in Canada. They are just foreigners without a visa.

The problem is that the knots need to eat horseshoe crab eggs from the beaches. Our fishermen have appealed to have their catch of the crabs raised to as many as they can handle. "There's unlimited crabs," says one lobster fisherman. Trump believes him. After all, what do biologists know?

"Now I do not eat lobster or crab", said Trump, "and they probably sell them to a lot of Democrat lawyers and politicians, but it's a business. I support the lobster fishermen." Trump refuses to eat the cockroaches of the sea, but is quite flexible with sitting at a table where other good citizens eat them.

The fishermen catch the adult crabs

and then cut them up to use as bait in lobster traps.

If the horseshoe crab population is reduced further, the red knot population will starve on their way to Canada. There is no optional rest stop for them along the coast.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Brett Kavanaugh gets a supply of whiskey

Judge Brett Kavaunaugh was thinking he should do something for the people in the Senate that were nice to him, as opposed to those disgusting Democrats that Hillary is still somehow running. Maybe some bottles of whiskey? But then the deliveries started coming. There were 50 bottles, either Jack Daniels

or assorted Scottish whiskeys. Each one was a gift from a senator. They had identical cards, all with "Thank you Brett" and a first name signature.

Brett opened one bottle of Jack Daniels from the plain set (there were some more expensive ones as well) and had a few shots, to help him figure this out. Were they all relieved to have Trump off their back now? A few must be running in the November election but not all, that never happens. The solution to the puzzle was not clear at this point, but he concluded it was something to do with Trump in any case. There was also a voice mail from the absent Iowa senator, who said he had a gift in his office for Brett. The 51st bottle.

There are over 40 Republican senators not running this year. A handful are running. Maybe there are some issues in the next 2020 election? He must do his best to help these senators in every election.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Brett Kavanaugh has a note from his Mom!

Supreme court justice candidate Brett Kavanaugh was leafing through his famous calendar,

when a piece of paper fell out. It was a note from his mom to somebody. It seems to give him a perfect alibi for the whole summer:

Now all he has to do is bring this to the attention of the FBI. The disgusting Democrats might still go after him in 2019. His mom was very brave to write the note, but of course it was in 1982. Now Brett is a little worried. If they impeach him later and interrogate his mom, the Clintons might make her "disappear," like they have done to so many others.

Democrats may seize on the wording, though. How did mom know in 1982 to address a note to the FBI?

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Trump still an asshole

We are in the process of approving or dumping Judge Brett Kavanaugh. President Trump felt he could use this process and the people involved as stand up routine material for his Mississippi rally.

Well, Trump, you still have your supporters. I think I know what they are after. One, to punish us liberals. Two, to end abortion, or chip away at it little by little. But you no longer represent most of the USA. Libertarians are not happy with intrusions into privacy, independents do not have the attention span past 2 years, and really, your shtick has become old. You are a one trick pony.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Dozens of Men Claim They Were the Man Christine Ford Escaped From at Party

"It was just a party, it was just rough play!" and "It was me, I was the man in the room!" claim dozens of Brett Kavanaugh high school class mates. Some of them may have been in this basketball team.

Each of the men tell the same story: "I was at that party, so was Brett. He stayed downstairs. I found the girl going upstairs and I went after her. There was some rough housing. There might have been two of us in the room. But I remember that girl well!"

Each man says he had been drinking beer, from three to five bottles as the story goes. "I don't remember it that well. Except that Brett stayed downstairs."

Thursday, September 20, 2018

To beat Trump tariffs, Chinese now using common earths to make cell phones

Faced with trump tariffs and lesser sales in smart phones, the Chinese cell phone industry has come up with a strategy.

Instead of indium, lanthanium and yttrium, the cell phone makers will now use common earth elements for the devices.

"What's in the new phones?"

"There might be some rare earths, as we just scoop up whatever was in the gravel pit behind the factory that we used as waste pond before. Some rare earths went in there. We think uranium will be a glowing success, but we suspect a lot of it is just silicon dioxide and calcium, you know from the hard water."