Sunday, July 14, 2019

Finnish Metal Band Mätäpaise Runs Over Budget

After recording their first album, Mätäpaise has been busy touring Finland, but no album to sell at the festivals. Just a free download at the band website.


Frontman Roope explains that the songs are all edited and sent out to press  CDs and get into Finnish iTunes. But they ran over budget. They have to use the only promotional photo available. "We have some smart phone photos I took and I had my girlfiend take a few, but nobody liked them." The cover art will just have the photo above with a grim reaper set in behind as a back drop. Roope was looking at clip art. His brother Jorma has Photoshop. But with this one clip art it looked  really dorky:


There needs to be some more white in the back to use it. Roope left it to Jorma to figure it out and email him the art ASAP. Otherwise they will just have to sell the disc (plain black, no text) with Mätäpaise written on the jewel case in magic marker.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

God Bless America!





My pal Kari, he’s a good guy, asked me to write about America. I don’t read his blog so I have no idea what is there. Probably the usual liberal dribble. He does his own yard work, so he is not some kid yuppie. He lives on my street.

Anyway, with 4th of July coming tomorrow, I have to say we needed a cheerful celebration. I am 100% behind President Trump on this. If he talks about himself, that’s OK, I don’t care. Most of us, you and me, have already made up our minds.

Them foreigners wanting to come to our country, some of them are assimilated (I knew how to spell that!) later on in future generations. But I don’t really want them voting in their lifetime. We could just give them citizenship in the coffin, so they don’t have to pay death taxes. Or their kids of course. But they would just vote for Democrats, who are weak on crime, want open borders and won’t spend a few billion constructing a fence at least, a good barrier it takes some work to cut through. I don’t want them illegals here. I don’t care how they deal with drugs and other crime at the border.

I also don’t have a problem with foreigners legally here as long as they learn English, and their kids can go to school and become good Americans. They should try Christianity.

I’ll be getting Fourth of July supplies at Wal Mart soon. I get the meat and the stuff we grill and the beer at the liquor store cause we don’t just drink Bud Light like you people think we do. I had an IPA the other day, and my wife links hard cider. I wear a concealed pistol at all times when I leave the house. I’m not telling you where I keep it.

God Bless America!

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Bob Seger Ruins Song for Nashville Man

Nashville -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis had another bad day writing songs. It started out fine and he had an entire song worked out with the hook line "running against the wind". Then he met Nathaniel at McDonalds and they took their big macs to the park bench and ate them in peace, with Diet Coke. "So I have this new song, Nathaniel," said Earl, pulling out the Martin guitar out of the beat up case. As the song was playing out with the chords C G and D plus Bm, Nathaniel noted the chord changes as familiar and as the words with "mountain", "wildfire" and "running against the wind" flowed out, he suddenly had it. "Earl, I never knew you as a Bob Seger fan, but believe me, you are just channeling Bob Seger." They went to the record store and found a cassette of Seger for 50c. Nathaniel still has a cassette player in his car, so they played it. "Yup, you got me this time. I had more verses, but I just can't use that wind line and that's the whole song. Why don't you just drop me at home, Nathaniel. I'll watch the Histrory Channel, and you can come up, but there's no beer."

PREVIOUS DAVIS STORIES

OCTOBER 2008 Here and There Nashville, TN -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis is about to have a second major hit. Recorded in the late summer, while Earl was stuck home scratching chigger bites after a fishing trip, the song has universal appeal and has been released in country rock and traditional versions. The protagonist, Earl, is "here", while his beloved is "there", far away. The song immediately struck a chord with truck drivers and road crew workers working away from home. However, the appeal appears to be broader. Female listeners who also appear to be "here" while their beloved is "there" are buying the song as downloads and CD singles. The song was recorded in one day with veteran session men chosen by Dylan producer Bob Johnston.

2004 Nashville, TN – Songwriter can’t stop loving her. Songwriter Earl “Mac” Davis had two cigarettes and three cups of coffee while watching CNN this morning, then went directly to write down words and chords to a melody in his head. The song practically wrote itself with no additional effort. Earl played around with the lyrics a bit, but then went with the verse and chorus as written, ending the chorus with “I can’t stop loving her”, which was also going to be the title. Earl’s friend Nathaniel met him for lunch soon after. Nathaniel heard Earl sing out the chorus, and liked the melody, which sounded original. He pointed out to Earl that his five last girl friends had no trouble ending the relationship with him. “It’s just a song, Nathaniel, I gotta make a living,” replied Earl. “Besides, she ain’t left yet.”


Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Trump starts war with Foreign Country

President Trump is mad. The entire world in unfair to the United States.


This has gone long enough! These countries must buy American goods when we buy their oil. The balance of trade has to be zero! They will have to buy American cars and consumer products if necessary.

For this reason Trump declared war on a Foreign Country. They were waiting for it and Ayattolah Spumoni says they will fight back. "We do not want your American cars."


Trump has known about the country's secret deals. "They trade with Russia, with China. And they work around our sanctions."

Having failed with tariffs, which only punish consumers, Trump says we have to start a real war. The nuclear refinement facility ("they make really really pure uranium there. This stuff is hot.") shall be bombed first, then all the military targets and airports. "We will obliterate this entire country if they do not respect us and com to the trade talks with us."

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Trump Fires FBI

The FBI is now fired. All 33 000 plus employees are to go home. They will receive a check for the remainder of June.


The FBI has been unpatriotic and behaved in an unprofessional manner. Mr Trump sees a vast conspiracy to undermine himself and all Republicans:

"As the House Intelligence Committee has concluded, there was no collusion between Russia and the Trump Campaign. As many are now finding out, however, there was tremendous leaking, lying and corruption at all levels of the FBI, Justice & State. #DrainTheSwamp"

 The tasks of the FBI will be temporarily filled in by Homeland Security, FEMA and the CIA. The murders and kidnappings covered by FBI previously will be handled by the states that are involved. States are asked to cooperate with all bordering states.

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Missouri couple now having sex in Illinois

Pat McDonald and Sue Kirkpatrick are in a terrible situation as far as her not getting pregnant.


The picture shows them two years ago when both had full time jobs. Pat was getting a steady supply of insulin and Sue her humira for arthritis. But things have changed. Pat lost his Wal Mart job and is only now moving up at his Target job that gets him work three days a week unloading boxes. Sue is on Medicaid to get her humira.

"This abortion law, banning it past four weeks, and the clinic thing..." Pat starts to explain. He is 55 and never planned to have more kids. She is in her mid forties and they never planned to marry. He has an adult daughter who is currently pregnant. He boyfriend left and she is living in their basement. And Sue also has a grown son. He seems to have got someone pregnant just weeks ago, but they live in Illinois.

Visiting her son in nearby Edwardsville, the family was gathered to examine the situation and there the Illinois couple has a Planned Parenthood clinic in nearby Granite City. Sue's son Mark is considering all options, even moving to Chicago that they hate, for jobs and healthcare. He too has no full time job and they have Obamacare. They would pay 6000 dollars to have a baby.

The Illinois options got the older couple thinking. Sue and Pat still have full intercourse a few times a month, though both have now had to learn other skills as well. When they have sex, they drive for the weekend to Illinois and stay at Motel 6 to have sex.


Pat wears a condom and Sue is on the pill, just in case. "We can't bring another child into the world in our situation. Our car is 15 years old and the house needs a lot of work. If we get pregnant, we will just go to the Illinois clinic and tell them the baby was conceived in Illinois and they should take care of it for free."

Monday, May 20, 2019

Independent voter looking to vote for old white guy

Stan Kiminski, plumber, is having a hard time getting interested in voting. He voted against Obama, so he did vote for an old white guy. And he voted for Trump, an old white guy.


The problem, Stan says, is that there are now TWO old white guys. Why do they have to make it so hard for him? "If one of them women, or that communist Sanders, get nominated, I am gonna vote for Trump." But he is being realistic and is resigned to the boring two white guys thing being most likely.