Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Iggy Pop Condition

Rock star Iggy Pop, 66, filled out his Medicare Part B application this week. No messing with Obamacare for him. On top of that Iggy was happy not to have to list any conditions for it. Thanks, Obama. "I am a fucking pre-existing condition!"

Prior to getting on Medicare, Iggy was always denied health insurance. The "Iggy Pop" condition disqualified him from private insurance.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Aliens Reject Earth

Earth Orbit -- Without actually landing, a team of alien developers have rejected earth as a future location for their species. "We would not exterminate you, as you seem to fear from your fictional accounts that we viewed. No, it was not the mammal population that made our trip out here useless. We are used to warm climates, and could occupy only the very warmest parts of your planet, where we could live in structures without heat or cooling. That, and the actual orbit and the length of your day as well as the too large moon, were the factors that our superiors back home rejected. We have been waiting for a week for their reply due to the vast distance you are from us. The axis tilt of your planet is a bit too big as well. We will report the habitable planet to Galactic Council and collect the small finder's fee. Someone else may come out and investigate now that your galaxy is know to the civilized world."

The leader of the mission, ~~~~^^~~~, stated that the practice that any galactic developer would follow is to wait for the intelligent species of the planet to go extinct before they come in. "Do not fear, primitive mammals."

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Meat Puppets CD in Store Comes Close To Selling

Kansas City -- A CD (there for the past six years) in the strip mall store that buys books and media has come out of the case to reorganize the racks, but this week the one and only Meat Puppets CD came out for a whole five minute outing. A customer had some ten 1980s CD's selected, including the Meat Puppets item. The bearded man walked around the store and eventually bought all the CDs, except the Meat Puppets one, left on top of the rack roughly around the M section.

Toto Fan Almost Recovered From Depression

Nashville -- Ed Norton, 48, suffered severe depression in 2010 when Toto broke up. Sure they had broken up before, but this seemed serious. Ed, a shipping clerk at UPS, was obsessed with Toto when they were famous. Once when he was out of a job he followed a tour for a summer and spent his remaining money on gas and tickets, sleeping in interstate rest areas in his car.

Ed also became obsessed with the song Africa. He watches all shows to do with African wildlife of culture.

Coming out of his depression, he was able to see one show with Toto since 2012, but it is not the same without Mike Porcano. However, since Mike is still alive, all fans gave their full support to the band and the tour. Asked about Toto, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? "I bless the rains down in Africa...
gonna take some time to do the things we never have," replied Norton. We think he plans to take a trip to Africa once he recovers fully.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Geddy Lee To Release "Clockwork Bagels"

Toronto -- Rush bass guitarist and vocalist Geddy Lee will release a surprise solo album, "Clockwork Bagels", for Christmas. Having contributed few lyrics so far to the band's catalog, the solo album will focus on bagels. Titles include "Roll The Bagels", "The Temples of Lox", "Mystic Bagel", "A Larger Bagel", "Digital Bagel Oven", "Circumferences"  and "Forking The Bagel", a tribute to Jewish grannies around the world.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Area Woman Gets 50 Dollar Insurance Back

Bangor, ME --Area woman Nancy Drew, 51, was relieved when President Obama gave her a chance to go back  to her National Health Alliance plan of 50 dollars. She carries the card with her, has for years. It had never paid for anything. She gets minor problems taken care of at the Walgreens walk in clinic.

"I do have a job and income and I do not qualify for many of them complicated plans. And I don't have a computer to sign up."

Friends and neighbors say she spends most of her extra cash at the casino. She goes there with another hairdresser. They work at an independent salon that has no benefits.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Kari Remembers The Beatles

I had the LPs as they came out with Magical Mystery Tour and later. The earlier ones pretty much did not exist for me except Rubber Soul, about 1966 or 67. I then made cassettes..or was it reel to reel tape... of the early stuff from singles, so by 1969 I was mostly caught up. But for instance Please Please Me did not click for me till the 70s when I heard a cover band (The Shakers) play it outdoors for college freshmen. I had to seek the album at that point. I think I eventually found the UK album. The US Early Beatles did not seem right.

My discovery of popular music was about 63 with Beatles singles but I did not own any albums...any band!... till 1966. By the 70s, I was onto 70s bands, so the 1962-1966 (RED) Beatles collection went by me with little notice, I had most of them on a cassette. The other collection seemed more interesting, The Blue, but even so, I preferred to play Sgt Pepper as a whole, not the bits in the collection. So yeah, I had pushed the 1962-1966 songs to nostalgia for most of the 70s. I was not really interested in them till the CDs came out. My first ever CD was Past Masters 1. What a crappy collection in hindsight. I played it all weekend. In a a wave of nostalgia.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Songwriter Looks To Empty House For Inspiration

Nashville -- Area songwriter Earl ”Mac” Davis has had a hard time writing songs since his Bob Seger song failed. His last girlfriend Elsie left a month ago. He spent two weeks drinking. Then he noted on a Sunday morning he should call his nephew to come and mow and rake leaves. Why the fuck does he still have a house? An empty house. It has some memories. In fact this lead him to work out some lyrics. He’s been left some twenty times. Five times by the same girl. She was the first, and she came back. He was still young and handsome and had a certain down to earth charm.

So it was that just walking around the empty house, the lyrics pretty much wrote themselves. It’s not the first empty house song. But it is focused. It does not ramble on to other places. The song is just the memories and the house.

"But I'm getting too old for this shit. I have a place to hang out with the guitar, so I'm just going to sell this and get an apartment."

Bob Seger Ruins Song for Nashville Man

Nashville (Reporting from early Oct 2013) -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis had another bad day writing songs. It started out fine and he had an entire song worked out with the hook line "running against the wind". Then he met Nathaniel at McDonalds and they took their big macs to the park bench and ate them in peace, with Diet Coke. "So I have this new song, Nathaniel," said Earl, pulling out the Martin guitar out of the beat up case. As the song was playing out with the chords C G and D plus Bm, Nathaniel noted the chord changes as familiar and as the words with "mountain", "wildfire" and "running against the wind" flowed out, he suddenly had it. "Earl, I never knew you as a Bob Seger fan, but believe me, you are just channeling Bob Seger." They went to the record store and found a cassette of Seger for 50c. Nathaniel still has a cassette player in his car, so they played it. "Yup, you got me this time. I had more verses, but I just can't use that wind line and that's the whole song. Why don't you just drop me at home, Nathaniel. I'll watch the Histrory Channel, and you can come up, but there's no beer."

Back in 2004 we covered his first hit:
2004 Oct 13 Nashville, TN – Songwriter can’t stop loving her. Songwriter Earl “Mac” Davis had two cigarettes and three cups of coffee while watching CNN this morning, then went directly to write down words and chords to a melody in his head. The song practically wrote itself with no additional effort. Earl played around with the lyrics a bit, but then went with the verse and chorus as written, ending the chorus with “I can’t stop loving her”, which was also going to be the title. Earl’s friend Nathaniel met him for lunch soon after. Nathaniel heard Earl sing out the chorus, and liked the melody, which sounded original. He pointed out to Earl that his five last girl friends had no trouble ending the relationship with him. “It’s just a song, Nathaniel, I gotta make a living,” replied Earl. “Besides, she ain’t left yet.”

Beatles Forum Comes Back To Life

With a new book out on the story of The Beatles up to the early 1960s and the making of the first singles, an internet forum, Beatles Forever, came back to life after months of one post a week. The book stimulated activity in a topic devoted to it. One fan read the 900 page book in two days. He, for the fans are all men, is rereading it a second time to follow the discussion of the book by the twelve most regular posters. There are some 20 lurkers that seem to only vote + and - on whether the post adds to the discussion.

Though the book is a sort of Bible, it does have some errors or unclear sentences. The number of 14 came up in connection with John and George. But it was confusing as to which was 14 when they met. They actually went to the same grade school, but as it had many grades, they had different recess and playgrounds. A member suggests that it was impossible for George not to know Lennon the prankster and all around fun teen, labeled by adults as a troublemaker.

Another member is obsessed with Ringo's diseases and handedness. In a BBC interview Ringo said he was cured of pneumonia that led to lung infections and TB with streptomycin. It had been invented in the 1940s. Why can't he leave it at that.

Slower readers are just getting up to speed on how many girls Paul attempted to get pregnant. It will be in Book 2, not yet out, that there was only one official one. Epstein paid her off with 5000 pounds.

When thrown out of Hamburg and the Bambi Kino housing, Paul and Peter really did burn some condoms to make a statement and supposedly get some light in the room. Of course, German documents only mention attempted arson, not burned condoms.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Area Woman Finds Toothpick Holder for Her Husband's RV

Waterloo, IA -- Area woman Betty Anderson, 63, went to a football game with her husband Mitch over the weekend. She got to see her kids and grandkids and take the dogs along. The weekend got windy as they drove home and Mitch had a little trouble steering the huge RV on the Interstate. The football was OK, they won. And the weekend was not a total waste. She found just the right toothpick holder for the RV. She has to put it in a kitchen drawer for the drive, the sticks would fall out. But it has juts the perfect rustic look for the RV. She has twelve more toothpick holders at home for various holidays and special occasions. Are you ready? Here it is!