Thursday, August 17, 2017

Extremely Comprehensive Prog Collection Lacks Name

London -- 

The work of Trevor Carlyle, 42, an extensive 10 CD collection of progressive rock hits and obscurities has been ready for manufacture for two months. The problem, from marketing, legal and compiler standpoints, has been a name for the collection. "It is extremely comprehensive and well remastered and the liner notes are without parallel in the industry. But we just do not seem to capture the feel of the collection. It's both Hits and Nuggets," Trevor explains. He was able to get Rush live, doing La Villa Strangiato, and pretty much all the bands except Pink Floyd.

The company lawyers will just name it "Pillars of Prog", if no new name comes forth before September first.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Nebraska, The Last Stand Against the Transcanada Crude Tarsand Oil Pipeline

(This post is not satire. Read the ones before and after for entertainment)
This week hearings will be held with the state public service commission, 4 Republicans and one Demorcrat, and one judge deciding on the route of the pipeline. About 500 came to demonstrate on Sunday. It will be a miracle if the commission rules against it, as they always go with business. This time the pipe will be a burden on the state once the oil stops flowing, and even before as it leaks. The environmental permit Transcanada has is worthless, it has no guarantees and no setup for cleanup. This will probably not be considered by the judge who rules on a very narrow set of factors.

The event was organized by Jane Kleeb of The last word cuts off, so just go to the next video by Randy Thompson.

Many locals understand the problems the pipeline brings to the state overall and our clean water rights. The pipe goes through sand, through which the heavy oil will sink to the water table. The pipe is buried 4 foot deep, so small leaks will be unseen. Our rights as a state and its citizens should overrule the 90% of landowners willing to risk their future for a lot of money that will help out in the short run. We can give them tax breaks if they need it to farm.

Some sort of eminent domain process will take the land from the rest of the farmers. it is not clear why, as foreign corporations cannot normally use that.

People were marching around two blocks and returned to the capitol:

Even the small 60 plus year old woman gets her voice heard.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Starlings Join Welfare State

At a zoo in North America, several starlings have made their way into a zoo aviary.

There the starlings get free food with the ibises and other zoo birds. The aviary has a couple of nest holes, though the starling community only has three adults now. The rest are their offspring.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Republicans Move On: Cut Taxes for The Rich

Do you have health care? Then you are rich. But probably you need to make some 200 000 a year to really qualify for the tax cut benefits. The Republicans are happy to move on to taxes, because Trump is right: healthcare is too complicated. (Unless of course you go for single payer which gets rid of nearly all of the paperwork).

So on it is to the budget and tax cuts. Taxes are complicated. What with all those tax brackets and deductions. Let's make it simple. If you own stock, all that income is going to be free from now on. You can also own hotels and make just a little income on each after all those daily expense deductions. Besides, all hotels now have bed bugs on and off so that treatment costs a lot of money. It's complicated. Ask Trump.

Republicans are forced to move on to this. They can call it cutting back big government, but the money not collected and used to fund some wild life preserve or something (or that "research" that the liberals do in their colleges), it just goes back to the rich. If they don't do this, all kinds of Kid Rock types will run for office. This is all familiar stuff to Mitch, the penny pincher.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Colorado Roofer All for Freedoms

Roofer Keith Thomas moved to Colorado to get away from all the "East coast crazyness." Here he can own guns and never file any papers, smoke weed and he used to be able to not buy health insurance. "Never been to a doctor in my life."

He was proud to vote for Trump because he does not need regulation. "I never wear a hard hat, not even in a big construction site."  And now Trump was just about to give him no health insurance. He will instead be required to buy insurance through or pay the fine. He pays the fine.

So how does it feel after the vote?

"Bummed out, but i knew them Republicans were mostly wimps. I am not surprized. And Trump pissed off McCain earlier so I guess that was coming."

Keith has accident insurance for accidents on the job. He thinks all the "foreigners" working in the roofing jobs are making his job more dangerous.

"I had to go finish a job that this Muslim roofer started and failed to finish. Can you imagine that? A Muslim roofer. I'd sooner have expected a Jewish one."

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

No room for Kottke LPs at senior condo or nursing home

Leo Kottke fans are getting as old as Leo, 70 or something. As a result, thousands of Kottke LPs are ending up at vinyl record stores this year. Some stores have noticed the piles of LPs left right outside the door, as the owners refused to buy any more of them, for any price.

The fans are still playing the music, some with headphones and iPods, a few with CDs and a boom box. However, almost none of the seniors have a complete collection. One man, Ed (75) in a Minneapolis nursing home held on to the crumbly Minneapolis pressing of Leo's firs album. "My son will take this, I now it has some eBay value. I did not want to sell it for the lousy 2 dollars.

The same thing has been happening with Zappa albums, but young men that hang out at vinyl record stores always cart the piles of Zappa vinyl found at the curb home to their apartments. The LPs stay there until sold on line.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Last Trump voter finds out that the man REALLY is stupid

Mike Campbell is the  last mature (age 38) Trump voter (see previous post for the young men) who discovered suddenly, while listening to the boy scout speech, just how dumb Trump is.

"Well, you know I'm a libertarian, right? So this is the first time I voted for a Republican. I thought he might shake things up a bit. And I really did not want Hillary, so I kind of just wanted her out. And I am glad she is history. But to my fellow libertarians, I'm sorry. That was very hard for me. I truly did not think it was going to be this bad. I was hoping some tax cuts and not much more. I hope he does not accomplish much and start any wars."

Monday, July 24, 2017

Working class lads making work for "the government"

Three enthusiastic Trump voters, the blue collar family kind, voting for the first time in 2016, are reaching out and making use of "the government."

The three work this summer for a landscaping firm in Ohio.  It's what you do in the summer with a high school diploma.  At lunch they stopped at a local park with sandwiches from Jimmy John's and some drinks. The Government provided a portable toilet.

"The Government" is a guy named Al who mows the area and picks up larger trash. The trash drum is across the parking lot where the nature trail starts. That was too far, so this is where they left the slurpies cups.

Should Al pick up after you guys?

"Sure, it's his job. I bet he has a pension plan too!"

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Songwriter Can't Live Without Her

Aspiring songwriter Josh Travis from Austin, Texas has come up with a song. Usually he plays James Taylor and Paul Simon covers at a coffee house. Now he is excited. It's got real feel!

"It's about what life would be like if I had to live without Jan, who I refer to in the song as you."

His musician friend Mike was a little suspicious. He had to hear a verse.

"That's it? And it goes C and E minor and C and E minor forever? And some sixths and sevenths?"


"OK, it sound pretty good as far as the melody goes. But Josh, this 'Can't live if living is without you' stuff, you know it's not that novel. I think it was Harry Nilsson that sang it, or somebody way back."


"You should go the other way, like rip off some beatles song or something, these lyrics are pretty sappy and on top of that they are not new. You'll get sued."

"I never heard the Nilsson song."

"Doesn't matter, you will lose the copyright."

"So I should throw out the lyrics. What about Jan? She's heard it now."

"Throw out the lyrics."

Friday, July 21, 2017

It's always like this with Trump

A former Trump staffer claims the Trump presidency is exactly like the decades of business Trump has sort of headed as CEO.

"Of course the outcome might be different, but the steps so far follow the usual pattern. He smooth talks people, promises them stuff. Fires people left and right, leaves me to sort out the mess as he goes away golfing. At some point an army of lawyers is brought in. He fires some of them. They don't care, as they are usually paid. Sometimes they have to threaten  to sue him and then the remaining lawyers work it out."

"And then there are dinners. And parades. I can see he loves parades. He did not have those before."

"His pretending to like the common Joe blue collar, that is all fake."

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Ad Writer's first project: Toilet Paper

Fresh out of college, Stan McCormick, 32, landed a job at an ad agency. The first project he got was the dreaded toilet paper account. The client is a long time toilet paper maker. Ads have evolved from the old days of squeezing to strong and other properties. What am I going to do with this?

First he had to watch a dozen of the old commercials. The main decision is whether to use cartoon bears or people in the ad. That all depends on the grand concept he comes up with. The concepts involve getting "clean", "underwear" , "strong", not clogging up the sewer pipe.

The strong one is the easiest to copy and spin into a new theme. Have they used Rapunzel yet? You know, the guy climbs up to her window on a rope made of toilet paper. Seems a bit complicated.  And will it use animation? Animation can be tricky as they need outside help. Live action is just talking to a director and being on the set a few minutes each day and looking at finished takes.

He thought they could use the strong theme, with the wet paper and a banana on it. "Too sexual", said Jane, his boss. A lemon? "We never use lemons, makes the product a kind of lemon as well."

Stan was left in the company machine shop at the end of the day, looking for heavy things to place on the toilet paper. Why couldn't they just give him the paper towel account instead?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Trump will make the Doctor pay for visits to him

Trump: I thought I would solve this problem once and for all. We've been having nothing but trouble with healthcare, and I then remembered my last exam. The doctor buys those disposable shorts guys have to wear in bulk. Then he charges me ten bucks for it. I'm going to make him pay.

Kari Report: How will you do that?

Trump: They got paid plenty during Obamacare. I'm signing an executive order as soon as I get back from Europe. The doctor will pay your bill each year up tot the first 500 bucks. Then if you are still friendly to him and impressed with his or her work, then he can charge a small fee for the rest of the care that year. I'm thinking maybe 80 bucks tops for a general practitioner.

Kari Report: Is that constitutional?

Trump: Who cares? I'm fed up with the Constitution. I can't get my Senate to work.

Kari Report: Those are Senate rules. They are not in the Constitution.

Trump: Get me someone. Pence! Who do we get to whip the Senate in shape? Can you do it?

Pence was not found at the press conference or left as soon as he heard the word "senate."

Saturday, July 1, 2017

He speaks how I feel

So said one woman in a video. Some 40% still stubbornly support Trump in polls. I just wonder how they feel about supporting him now. They may not personally lose anything, but Trump has created zero jobs.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Trump and pals get fireworks from Missouri!

Make America Great again!

President Trump and his new pals drove the red pick up and some other vehicles to Missouri to buy a shitload of fireworks. Terrific fireworks!

Trump: We drove all night and got back here in the morning for waffles at...where is this, Iowa?
(Ted:) Kansas.

Trump: OK, so we got back to Kansas. I drove this pickup with my security guy Cal that was assigned to me for this short getaway. I had to give that speech but I'll be back Fourth of July.

I bought all these myself and will be firing off some of these Fourth of July. Make America Great Again!  We are storing them in Bernie's third garage over there. See you guys in six days!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Repeal and Replace!

President Trump had to be removed from public for a few hours today by his handlers as he was stuck with the phrase "repeal and replace Obamacare!" for 30 minutes straight. He was still repeating the phrase and waving the right hand as he was led to his limo.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Republicans still divided on how to deny Americans health insurance

The Freedom Caucus did their work, now the Senate is about to vote on this historic measure, which will take us pretty much back to the pre-Obama era of no control and denying all sick patients a plan at all. Back then, when you lost everything, you got Medicaid. That is pretty much history now. The only coverage that will remain is for the urban poor to deliver babies. Contraceptives are not covered.

In particular, Senator Rand Paul is taking care of his state, looking through the records and erasing every possible claim to be in the Medicaid plan.

Many can see through the thinly veiled plan for 2020. President wants the 3 million people that voted for Hillary dead by then. How exactly will he know the 3 million that she had in excess over those voting for him? "We have people working on that." Whether it is Trump or Pence running in 2020, Trump wants those people dead.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Trump Bans Federal Water Coolers

These water coolers must go! We have coolers here in DC at the Smithsonian and outdoors and they are all free. We can't have free water anymore, as it favors all the city people. The same will apply at all federal buildings except for those inside national parks. You have paid admission there, so you get water.

I've arranged for a contractor to install water at all these sites and we will be phasing the water coolers out in two years. The vending device will be either a cup type, costing you about ten cents,or bottled water. The ten cent cups will be paper. These will stand next to the cooler for the time being, I will arrange for school groups visiting parks and museums to get free water, but the rest of you will have to pay.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Melania sent for new Trump belt

Having spent a few days in the White House, it got to be Monday, and Trump immediately asked Melania tio get him a belt as soon as possible. "A belt? You have about five. Or you did in January."

She buys them all at a shop a short limo ride from Trump Tower. It now turned out all five had been worn out at the last hole. You know how it goes, the belt is fine except for the one spot where you always keep it. Except after dinner you might try the next hole. Trump has no next hole. Well, it's there, but quite ripped. Steve Bannon fixed that spot with black duct tape. he has lots in his office. We wonder what he does with it.

Melania googled and found some belts at the nearby Target. They have numbered sizes, as well as a helpful L, XL and XXL label.

So she got in the limo and stopped there plus a men's shop not far away from Target, though it was close to the slum already.  DC is very urban.

Melania came back with the belts and Trump ran off with the best two and kised her lightly. She attempted a smile.

Later Melania went to the kitchen and asked for some details on what food was sent up. At certain times of the day they send a bag of Lay's chips and two diet Cokes. It appears Trump has been consuming the chips in one sitting. He may or may not be watching Fox or looking at Twitter during these binges.

Friday, June 9, 2017

James fucking Comey cleared Trump!

Didn't you snow flakes hear the testimony? Trump may be a liar but he's not been under investigation!

Now we can get on with making government small and get rid of ALL federal regulations! Air bags? Lets the air bag makers compete on the FREE market for the best air bag. No regulation needed. Money for NASA to study climate change? You must be kidding!

Monday, June 5, 2017

Trump To Privatize The National Weather Service

President Trump says he wants to privatize The National Weather Service.

" I want NASA in space. not doing climate stuff. I think we need the National weather Service for some things, so it can stay. Though I get my weather from Fox and my phone app."

Mr President, they both get their data from The National Weather Service.

"They do? Well, they are going to do weather now, not climate."

Friday, June 2, 2017

Trump Confused about Climate, other than America First

President Trump, your speech writer misquoted the MIT study and the temperature rise of a few degrees Celsius is not trivial in any case. Do you understand what climate is and how climate change is measured?

We're going to put America first as I said many times. No further questions.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

White House has Official Worst Day

The day began badly. Trump complained about the orange juice in his breakfast. Then he got dressed and marched off to meetings.

In these meetings, Trump called for "someone to take notes", then sent the note taker out of the room. Kellyanne Conway had already locked herself in her office before the first meeting took place.

Each member of Trump's staff was in turn sent out of the room. Most of the meetings ended up with only Trump and one person left in the room. His personal assistant was called to bring in items about every five minutes. Each half hour a fresh Diet Coke was brought in. There were twelve diet soda cans in the Oval Office alone at noon.

"Bring me some pigeon feed," yelled Trump at two o'clock. He retreated to the Rose Garden to feed mourning doves for 45 minutes.

Kellyanne Coway left the White House shortly after lunch. Sean Spicer was just hanging out by the limo drivers outside. He has not had a task for days,

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Pirahã people learn one number

Amazona, Brazil – Sent by the state to keep good relations with the  Pirahã people, dance instructor Ricardo  Helio had a hard time teaching a group of fifteen teenagers the samba. The interpreter was not help, telling Ricardo there were no numbers in their language. That pretty much eliminated the foxtrot and waltz as well. Finally, Ricardo remembered a James Brown video. In it Brown hits the cowbell on the ONE of every measure. Soon enough all Pirahã teens were yelling ONE! on time. Not all could keep up with two three and four, but all managed the ONE!

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Republican Thinks Democrats Should Get Jobs for Insurance

Who do they think they are? Unemployed professors of medieval history, artists, poets, feminists!

I am businessman and a teacher, I started my own private school. You Democrats are just losers, so you will have to work for someone else. Go find a job! Target is hiring, if you think Wal Mart are capitalist pigs. That's how you get insurance. I'm not paying for any of yours now that we have Trump.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Trump Voter Nothing Special

Living his entire life in a small part of Pennsylvania, Sean McCarthy, 29, is not special. He does not qualify for any benefits as part of a minority, and has been incredibly average his whole life.

"I know lots of black people and even Mexicans. I voted for Obama two times with them. But I did not get anything either time."

Sean works for a national chain of stores and makes a living as a fork lift operator. For three months before Obama became president, he was unemployed and had no insurance. Just then he injured his hand doing some roofing work under the table. "My girl friend Diane took me to the ER. They stitched up one hand and the one finger lost a little from the tip. There's no nail on it."

He and Diane got married and he keeps his wedding ring on the right hand that has a complete ring finger. Other than that left hand, there is nothing special about Sean.

Sean was a straight C student in high school, other than a B in sports. He makes just under 20 dollars an hour and Diane has a good job at Hobby Lobby. They do not qualify for food stamps nor would they for the special benefits of Obamacare ( for the poor) that those who cannot pay for the monthly bill get. He is not a member of any sexual or other minority. His TV watching shows the usual sports and TV shows. He does not watch National Geographic or listen to NPR.

Why did you vote for Trump?

"To drain the Swamp. I don't want any of my tax going to Special Interest Groups because I am not special. It's a big swamp."

Sean and Diane attended the Trump rally in Harrisburg and are really fired up for 2020.

What will you do if Trump wins?

"I'll invite him for burgers and Bud Light." He has a gas grill he bought for this summer at Home Depot.

"It was his birthday grill," added Diane.