Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Book fails to find Thing for Bono

A book that purportedly explains the story behind every U2 song fails to explain just what the songwriters were after.  Is the song about finding or about looking for? Make up your mind! Vague hints at gospel like and spiritual searching, already noted in the Wikipedia entry, really led nowhere.

The current book offers the following:

 Perhaps it just is a never-ending quest.

Monday, April 27, 2015

SCIENCE Turns Out to Be Liberal Propaganda

Portland, OR-- Reverend Larry Thornton of the Portland Church on the Rock, has been reading publications of the Discovery Institute and has drawn some conclusions.

"We must encourage home schooling for those of us that can afford it. We only provide the six grades here at the church school. I have discovered that ALL, yes ALL of science is a liberal atheist conspiracy. Global Warming, evolution and all that. Sure they throw in polio vaccine and penicillin and microwave ovens once in a while. But all that is to finance their actual atheist agenda," said Larry in last Sunday's town hall meeting.

Which organizations would you name as atheist, Dr. Thornton?
"Here, I have the list, you can just take the list."

World Meteorological Organization (WMO)
United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP)
Canadian Foundation for Climate and Atmospheric Sciences
European Geosciences Union.
Royal Meteorological Society
University of Michigan
Norwegian Meteorological Institute
The Smithsonian
Laboratoire de Glaciologie et Géophysique de l’Environnement

(the list went on for five pages)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Rich Guy Not Really Into Rich Guy Stuff

Minneapolis-- David Cameron, 65, has gone out of his way to keep people from asking for his money and trying to sell him stuff he does not want. The millionaire stock broker and bachelor (a stock photo from 15 years ago was given)
has lived in the same 2 bedroom house for 40 years. All he needs is a long wide drive way for the boat and a one car garage for the Chevy pick up he uses to haul the boat to the lake. His dog Nelly accompanies him on all his boating trips and sometimes steers the boat. David has a fishing license but has never bothered to cook any of the fish he catches. "There's restaurants out there where I eat, usually hamburgers."

The types of things other rich people spend money on does not bother David. Houses, boats, swiming pools, vacation condos in Cancun. "It's their money."

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Kentucky Declares "Missionary" the state Official Copulation Conformation

Frankfort, KY -- Not to be outdone by Tennessee and their Official Book (Bible), lawmakers hastily passed a law making "face to face man on top" sex the official state copulation conformation. No votes against, two abstained, two absent.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Enterprising Man Sells Cures for Cheap and finds Niche Market

Galilea, ca. 30 AD -- Enterprising Galilean Moshe Joseph has been hanging out where Jesus and his followers preach and heal. 

After the famous entourage leaves, Moshe has been hanging out to sell coal tar products for those that did not have the nerve to be cured by miracles.

Asked about guarantees, Moshe explains: "If you are near death, go to Jesus. Otherwise, my coal tar remedies are more cost effective. You can take them home to your sick relatives. Or I can have them delivered. Money back one year guarantee. Some ailments need repeated application."