Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Area Man Falls In Love With Cat Lady

Worcester, MA -- Clovis Anderson, 44, has fallen madly in love with Heather.

When buddies at work bug him about the phone calls and the slight domesticity that has entered the confirmed bachelor's life, he just explains her as some kind of cat lady.

She is in her 50's and used to work at a local call center. She then had some health issue and some kind of settlement for it. Now she has a house and five cats.

"I can put up with them cats at least for the weekend. We hardly ever meet during the week, except maybe a restaurant if we can afford it.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

AC Return Vent Seen It All

Chesterfield, MO -- Area return vent just got painted one more time. This time they did not even bother unscrewing it. Only on two occasions was it removed to paint.

"I've seen five families move through this house. The only really interesting change was when a teenage girl painted me blood red. The wall was blue then. She had all kinds of horror
movie posters and liked to paint objects in her room red. I guess I was next as I am in the hall way outside her door."

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Professor thinks Jack White Songs Are About Something

Princeton NJ -- Having gone through several term papers dealing with the song lyrics of Jack White, the professor of a literature class given at the university asked for some mp3's of the songs.

Richard Thompson, 56, thinks that the songs are actually about something. "It's even more difficult than with Dylan to see if there was actually some human encounter behind the lyrics, or if they are just strung together."

And I swear
Besides the hair
She had one white eye,
One black(nk) stare
Lookin' up
Lyin' there.

On the stand
near her hand
Was a candy cane
Black rum, sugar cane,
Dry ice (and) something strange.

"That has to be a blank stare.  And then there's":

I'm going to Wichita
Far from this opera for evermore
I'm gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore

"I think he's been listening to blues and is channeling sweat and blood back to us. It does sound like he had something in mind, and the mood is pretty clear usually."

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Area Gun Nut Proud of Shack

Toledo, OH -- Area gun nut Ed McMahon, 43, was proud to show us his gun shack near his trailer, but did not allow photographs inside.

It was actually built top house a riding mower, but now has been converted toa little club. Ed and his friends bring their guns in there every night and service them. A bench, gun cradle and a mat on the bench top allow them to work on the guns and drink beer. There is no electricity, but the ventilation is adequate and there is a kerosene lantern.

"There's no guns in here at night, we lock them up in the trailer, all except the beauty of a handgun I have at the night stand."

It appears to be a rather worn and traveled Glock. When we described it to our gun expert (a hunter) he thought it was a G21, not a 30 or 36.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Area hypochondriac fears Alzheimer's

Boise, ID --
Area hypochondriac Ted Myers, 55, keeps forgetting how to spell Alzheimer's. "Is that a symptom?" he asks. He had the Wikipedia page bookmarked to check for symptoms. "You can't remember them all, can you?" His parents died in their 70s of other causes, with barely a sign of memory loss. But Ted is watching an uncle, 85, who is in a nursing home. "He's a bit slow, dementia is bound to show up soon."