Monday, September 30, 2013

Area Man Opposes Carbon Tax Due To Twinkies

Bangor, ME -- Area man Todd Zelinski, 85, opposes the carbon tax due to his Twinkie habit. He consumes coffee, chips, bacon and beer as well. But he is most afraid the Twinkies will go up 2% due to the energy and heat involved in cooking Twinkies.


Todd begins every day with coffee and Twinkies, but he is not paying for the coffee, a church provides and prepares the coffee for a group of old folks in his building. The beer he also pays for, but "the government would not carbon tax beer would they? It would be the end of the tax." He has a point.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Area Students Camp in Tipi

Evanston, IL -- Area undergraduate students at Northwestern were having problems with a room mate. It started out when the third boy unpacked and they saw the collection of bongs. On top of this, the room mate, Chuck, seemed to bring some random older men to his room on a weekly basis. To have these fat businessmen showering every Saturday morning suggested Chuck was supplementing his income.

So Ed and Mal decided to lock up their stuff in a closet and find temporary housing. They were both taking a class in Native American Studies. There was a tipi used for some lectures. It was not used at night. Every night they are bringing in sleeping bags. No fires are allowed. The bottom of the tipi is cardboard boxes from the dumpster. The groundskeepers are on to the boys and their housing solution. But they merely make them move the tipi every five days in the same area between buildings.

"I'm taking a lot of my stuff home at Thanksgiving, and some friends are letting me use their couch till Christmas," explained Ed.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Powerball winner drives RV to play LOTTERIES in the USA

Powerball winner Earl "Bud" Wiser, 62, was relieved to win the Power Ball lottery this year. He was laid off early in the year and was without health insurance. After the Powerball win he signed up for insurance at a big premium, but only till 2014.

"I qualify for Obamacare then."

He is still interested in lotteries and drives around the country with his RV. He is especially interested in lotteries in the five states with no Powerball. He can also be seen in grocery stores and truck stops around the country scratching out instant lottery tickets. He never tells anyone he already won. Sometimes he shares his instant win with old ladies that are spending a few dollars of social security income on a once a week ticket.

"I enjoy meeting people. I will buy a ticket pretty much to any lottery or fundraiser. I actually have not been able to lose but around 500 dollars this year."

"What do you do with winnings such as turkeys or freezers or whatnot?"

"Most of the time I drive to the next place and give it to someone at the RV park."

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Pirahã people learn one number

Amazona, Brazil – Sent by the state to keep good relations with the  Pirahã people, dance instructor Ricardo  Helio had a hard time teaching a group of fifteen teenagers the samba. The interpreter was not help, telling Ricardo there were no numbers in their language. That pretty much eliminated the foxtrot and waltz as well. Finally, Ricardo remembered a James Brown video. In it Brown hits the cowbell on the ONE of every measure. Soon enough all Pirahã teens were yelling ONE! on time. Not all could keep up with two three and four, but all managed the ONE!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Area President Can't Find His Steam

Reykjavik -- Area president Ólafur Grímsson had to wear two sweaters to work, for the four hours he spent at his office yesterday.  For some reason, all the rooms in the building were getting that cheap Icelandic steam except his. The custodian had called in sick and the energy company repair crew were urgently repairing radiators for an entire school.
"Get me some electric heaters for tomorrow then," he yelled at his phone and went home.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Area Dad Cleans Both Outside Mirrors

Des peres, MO -- Area dad Todd Hamilton III (56), took the kids' (Beth and Gary, both in community college)
shared car to work with him today, so he could stop at the garage of childhood friend Ed (56) to get the inspection and emissions tested on the way home today. The car needs a new tag on the plates by Sep 30.

In preparation for the drive to work, Todd cleaned not only the left mirror of the 2003 Accord, but the right one as well. As far as anyone knows, the mirror has not been cleaned for five years when Todd quit driving the car.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Area chemist signs and dates

Indianapolis, IN -- Water chemist Stanley Morgan, 37, spent several hours today signing and dating notebooks. In addition he witnessed pages in the notebooks of Sally, his lab partner.

The notebooks contain water quality data for the past year year. They were being microfilmed in preparation for EPA review. At one point Stanley had 20 sticky notes on his book where he collected the notes after signing today's errors caught by the miocrofilmer.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Area Barnacle Sleeps In

Atlantic Ocean -- An area barnacle declared "I'm sleeping in today," clammed up and was barely noticed by the other barnacles in her community.
The only one noticing her at all was a male barnacle, wishing to move inside her shell. He just moved on to other females. They could use his services in exchange for giving him shelter and a flow of microparticles of food.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Area Man Finds Use For Useless Cross Walk

Manchester, MO -- Area man Keith (he would not give a last name) has found a use for the area shopping center crosswalk that does not lead anywhere. There is no side walk anywhere near the busy strip mall. A side walk was located a quarter of a mile away on Manchester road.

Keith, nick named "Jack" at the PetCo where he works, takes the cross walk to the rock on the other side. It is provided there by landscapers as a filler for something, perhaps a bench. Jack does not smoke often, but takes the butts with him. He never smokes at the designated smoking area. People say he mostly talks on a cell phone at the rock. He apparently talks to his many kids from several marriages.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Weekly item 1

when there is nothing else to report, a tweet captured at random will be reposted
this one is in Finnish:

iiiih!! kävin ekaa kertaa kakalla mun uudessa kodissa! nyt tuntuu hyvältä!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Greek Man Working

Greece -- In rural Greece outside Athens, a Greek m
an, Anastasio Anastassis (59) was observed harvesting by hand. The press was alerted by locals to document this rare event.

The man is self employed and the money earned may not show up on any records. But the economic analysts said it was a good start.