Saturday, October 26, 2013

Area Chemist Cleans Mug With Lab Acid

Cambridge, MA -- Area graduate student Mike Zimmerman, 29, finally decided to clean the cup he has had in the lab for eight years. He got a master's and left the cup there, and it was still on the windowsill, when he came back for a Ph.D. at MIT.

Mike was pretty sure his thesis is done, and will be leaving MIT at the end of the semester. But he could not look at it for one more week in its black and brown state.

"Don't try this at home. I just used 15ml of concentrated HCl. But I neutralized the brown solution with 50% NaOH, before I poured it down the lab sink. I washed it in the men's room with soap after."

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Tea Partyers All Set After I-HOP breakfast

Washington, DC -- Retirees and small business owners from Virginia decided to stay another week, depending on weather, to protest BIG government. Today they were going to wait till 10AM to go out, "after it warmed up" and after an all you can eat pancake breakfast at a local I-HOP, sponsored by
the Texas Tea Party.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Area Manager Leaves Conference In Hurry

Rochester, NY -- Area manager Jim Rigby, regional sales chief of a car parts distributor, was suddenly called to a teleconference on his cell phone when he had just sat down at his previous appointment. Employees left his seat unused in hopes that he would return to his previous business, but he had gone out to lunch.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Area Man Lends Government 50 Dollars

Bar Harbor, ME -- Area man Stan Laurel, 29, is a groundskeeper at Acadia National Park. He has not been at work for a few weeks, but will get back pay for the period. As his needs are small, he has been mowing a few lawns. " I have old people as neighbors. One just gives me tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for mowing."

Stan has come up with 50 dollars he can spare. He placed it in and envelope sent to President Obama. Stan asked to have it back "sometime in the spring."

Monday, October 7, 2013

Party Mix From 2009 Survives Crash

Detroit -- Emily Dickins, 32, crashed her car on the way to work. She took some belongings out and called a friend from work to pick her up. In her rush, she stuffed items from the car door to her purse. As she left the scene, she dropped a disc that had been rolling around in that door pocket since 2009. It now is unplayable, as anyone picking it up off the concrete side walk could see.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

House Sent To His Room Without Dinner

Washington -- The House of Representatives has been behaving badly. He made threats and acted like a bully, with some bigger boys in the Senate helping him in his deeds.

House was sent to bed without dinner yesterday. Senate was told to go to his room and play by himself. The two will need to talk in the playground by Friday.