Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Trump and pals get fireworks from Missouri!

Make America Great again!

President Trump and his new pals drove the red pick up and some other vehicles to Missouri to buy a shitload of fireworks. Terrific fireworks!

Trump: We drove all night and got back here in the morning for waffles at...where is this, Iowa?
(Ted:) Kansas.

Trump: OK, so we got back to Kansas. I drove this pickup with my security guy Cal that was assigned to me for this short getaway. I had to give that speech but I'll be back Fourth of July.

I bought all these myself and will be firing off some of these Fourth of July. Make America Great Again!  We are storing them in Bernie's third garage over there. See you guys in six days!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Repeal and Replace!

President Trump had to be removed from public for a few hours today by his handlers as he was stuck with the phrase "repeal and replace Obamacare!" for 30 minutes straight. He was still repeating the phrase and waving the right hand as he was led to his limo.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Republicans still divided on how to deny Americans health insurance

The Freedom Caucus did their work, now the Senate is about to vote on this historic measure, which will take us pretty much back to the pre-Obama era of no control and denying all sick patients a plan at all. Back then, when you lost everything, you got Medicaid. That is pretty much history now. The only coverage that will remain is for the urban poor to deliver babies. Contraceptives are not covered.

In particular, Senator Rand Paul is taking care of his state, looking through the records and erasing every possible claim to be in the Medicaid plan.

Many can see through the thinly veiled plan for 2020. President wants the 3 million people that voted for Hillary dead by then. How exactly will he know the 3 million that she had in excess over those voting for him? "We have people working on that." Whether it is Trump or Pence running in 2020, Trump wants those people dead.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Trump Bans Federal Water Coolers

These water coolers must go! We have coolers here in DC at the Smithsonian and outdoors and they are all free. We can't have free water anymore, as it favors all the city people. The same will apply at all federal buildings except for those inside national parks. You have paid admission there, so you get water.

I've arranged for a contractor to install water at all these sites and we will be phasing the water coolers out in two years. The vending device will be either a cup type, costing you about ten cents,or bottled water. The ten cent cups will be paper. These will stand next to the cooler for the time being, I will arrange for school groups visiting parks and museums to get free water, but the rest of you will have to pay.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Melania sent for new Trump belt

Having spent a few days in the White House, it got to be Monday, and Trump immediately asked Melania tio get him a belt as soon as possible. "A belt? You have about five. Or you did in January."

She buys them all at a shop a short limo ride from Trump Tower. It now turned out all five had been worn out at the last hole. You know how it goes, the belt is fine except for the one spot where you always keep it. Except after dinner you might try the next hole. Trump has no next hole. Well, it's there, but quite ripped. Steve Bannon fixed that spot with black duct tape. he has lots in his office. We wonder what he does with it.

Melania googled and found some belts at the nearby Target. They have numbered sizes, as well as a helpful L, XL and XXL label.

So she got in the limo and stopped there plus a men's shop not far away from Target, though it was close to the slum already.  DC is very urban.

Melania came back with the belts and Trump ran off with the best two and kised her lightly. She attempted a smile.

Later Melania went to the kitchen and asked for some details on what food was sent up. At certain times of the day they send a bag of Lay's chips and two diet Cokes. It appears Trump has been consuming the chips in one sitting. He may or may not be watching Fox or looking at Twitter during these binges.

Friday, June 9, 2017

James fucking Comey cleared Trump!

Didn't you snow flakes hear the testimony? Trump may be a liar but he's not been under investigation!

Now we can get on with making government small and get rid of ALL federal regulations! Air bags? Lets the air bag makers compete on the FREE market for the best air bag. No regulation needed. Money for NASA to study climate change? You must be kidding!

Monday, June 5, 2017

Trump To Privatize The National Weather Service

President Trump says he wants to privatize The National Weather Service.

" I want NASA in space. not doing climate stuff. I think we need the National weather Service for some things, so it can stay. Though I get my weather from Fox and my phone app."

Mr President, they both get their data from The National Weather Service.

"They do? Well, they are going to do weather now, not climate."

Friday, June 2, 2017

Trump Confused about Climate, other than America First

President Trump, your speech writer misquoted the MIT study and the temperature rise of a few degrees Celsius is not trivial in any case. Do you understand what climate is and how climate change is measured?

We're going to put America first as I said many times. No further questions.