Friday, May 31, 2013

Motel Room Decorator Hides All Electrical Outlets

Las Vegas -- Designing and decorating the motel rooms of a national chain can be challenging. The air  conditioner must plug in somewhere or be wired in a near by electrical source. The chairs and table by the window seemed to be the place for an outlet, but designer Ken Barry, 35, managed to put it at an inconvenient place near the legs. In addition, he had the painter paint the holes shut. The other outlets are behind the bed headboard. Across the room where the TV sits on a dresser, outlets can be located with some trouble, but the dresser is too heavy to move even an inch.

"Why do you always hide the outlets?"

"We don't really know. It's tradition."

"You have provided an alarm clock, where does it plug in?"

"We added the lamp on the night stand, it has two outlets at the base."

"So you have two outlets for the room and two in the bathroom."

"Yes, that's the standard."

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Young Store Clerk Buys Three Jump Back Discs The Same Day!

Washington, DC -- In a second hand book, movie and CD store, manger and owner Bill came back from lunch and looked at the pile of CDs to price and put in bins.

"Jack, you bought three Stones collections, all the same."

"You said we are low on Stones. I got one Grrrr! too."

"OK, but no more Jump Backs or Sucking in the 70s, OK? They are worth about 25c at best."

"OK, boss. Sorry. Can I take these three home?"


Thursday, May 23, 2013

Bachelor Replaces Rag Under Driver Seat

Pittsburgh, PA -- Bachelor John Michaels, 37, decided today to toss out the rag that has been, uncleaned, under the driver seat of his '90s Toyota Corolla since he bought it seven years ago.

"It was too far gone to wash, I put a different old towel under there, with the ice scraper that also stays there."

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Fat Lady made 49 Cookie Trips

Indianapolis, Indiana-- At the Continental Insurance Co, Beth the office manager brought in a huge tin of Danish cookies for the coffee area. Coffee was made 4 times today, but co-workers counted Tina, the fat lady, making 49 separate trips to the tin, picking one cookie each time. A trail of crumbs lead to her work area.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Back Yard Birder Returns Book

Bangor, ME -- Mrs. Ann Rubble, 75, has kept track of birds nesting in her back yard for the past 50 years. She recently bought a book of all the birds she might ever encounter in her back yard. "It even has birds from Greenland."

The wrens and robins and sparrows had all settled in when she took the bird book out to her back yard. Comparing it to her old Reader's Digest bird book, that has some really old fashioned names from 1960, she was still shocked. "It does not describe the nest and number of eggs! What if a storm blew a pair of Atlantic Puffins in my yard and decided to nest here?" She decided to return the defective book to Barnes and Noble.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I'll make you a copy

Knoxville, TN -- Ernest Williams, 61, is often faced with piles of CDs he made, that he made for friends or that just came back from somewhere. The solution is always the same. These are previously made burned CDs, and who knows where they have been. They could have stayed in a hot attic.
As did the 300 CDRs he located among his brother's things. He died two months ago, and Molly has done nothing with any of the stuff. Ernie has been going over there and brought back all the CDs he had burned for his brother over the years, saving the cases but pitching the discs.

"Molly, do you still listen to Pink Floyd? It was Ed's one big time band he used to play in the car."
"I'll make you some new copies."

Monday, May 13, 2013

Junk Saved Up For Yard Sale Turned Out To Be Junk

Bozeman, MT -- The Olsen family dug deeply into the closets and basement to round up all the junk that had not been used, but "might sell at the yard sale one of these years." When tested, almost none of the junk worked, it was just junk. The Swedish propane lantern might possibly work. The buyer can test out the lamp for a dollar. A spare fuel can goes with it.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mystery Quesadilla Slice Issue Resolved

Philadelphia, PA -- The Zyskowicz family discovered a wrapped up piece of apparently Qdoba food, a chicken  quesadilla remnant. It appeared at the family refrigerator on Sunday. But none of the family, or even friends of the teenagers Mary, Isabella and Clarissa, remembers going to any Mexican restaurant. Dad Ben gave them a thorough interrogation the Nazis would have been proud of. Grandma Bella upstairs is a daughter of holocaust survivors,
 born just two years after her parents escaped Auschwitz.

The problem was resolved when the family dog, Buster ( a large mixed breed with much cocker spaniel in him) showed up and gave one friendly bark. Buster gobbled up the chicken bits and licked the other contents, leaving the tortilla.