Saturday, March 29, 2014

Sign Holding Dude Keeping Warm

Ballwin, MO -- A sign holding man was keeping warm in the grips of a cold spring in the Midwest, his hands warmed by flimsy cotton work gloves, holding a cigarette.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


A serious note. This video is probably worth watching, it explains POPULATION.

Population Video Youtube

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Obama Cuts Off Putin's Netflix

In a desperate move to save Ukraine and Crimea, President Obama ordered Putin's Netflix account to be deleted, as well as all his IP addresses. Russians friendly to the US will receive a special free Netflix package next week.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Climate War in Davenport

Davenport, IA -- Two days after his friend Fred Chemsky published global climate data, Al Greenberg published his own data showing a warming trend of 0.15F degrees over the past eleven years. Al uses an identical weather station to that of Fred, but placed five miles North.

"The cooling trend recorded by Fred is the result of a hog farm torn down right upwind from his station, on the third year of his studies. Composting feces created a local temperature rise while the farm was there," stated Greenberg. Chemsky is preparing a rebuttal.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Climate Skeptic Publishes Peer Reviewed Data

Davenport, IA -- Posting his entire 10 year numbers, climate skeptic Fred Chemsky reports a drop of 0.1F over the past ten years in Global Temperature. Fred has obtained reliable data from his one weather station in Iowa. He measures temperature at noon every day, disregarding daylight savings, and averages them for the year. "I threw out the leap year and the year the birds nested in my weather station, but even those years give nearly the same number, just not quite 0.1 degrees Fahrenheit. More like 0.09."

Fred had his numbers and methods checked by Al Greenberg. "Al is one of those global warming nuts, but him and me are the only ones even interested in global weather around here. Al is gonna publish his data some day too."

Fred posted all the numbers a week ago at

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Evelyn's Fancy Man Takes A Pill Before Visit!

Dallas, TX -- Muriel was walking up to her house and saw the gentleman sitting on a concrete retaining wall on their street. Just as Muriel was passing him, he was putting away his prescription bottle in a hurry. He had a Diet Coke to go with the pills. He did notice Muriel because he said hi, just to be safe.

Little does he know that Muriel is Evelyn's best friend and neighbor. Evelyn never talks about him, he only comes for visits and never stays overnight. Muriel thinks he uses the bus to get here.

Well, Muriel is open minded, and Evelyn can have her fancy man. Muriel is done with men. She does have a handy man, Charlie. He gets paid cash, there are no benefits anymore. Muriel did let him come in for some action the first week he worked on the house, but he has such bad breath, she isn't going to let him touch her anymore. He understands the situation, and he has plenty of other old ladies to hit on. He is very friendly once the rules are known. He will take some tea if she is on a good mood.

Area Man Saves Spent Brush Cleaner

Berkeley, CA --Area man Clayton Woodcock II, 57, saves the brush cleaner that came in a tin can in the tin can. The unused cleaner is in a can of lighter fluid he salvaged from a neighbor's trash. The plastic bottle is not appropriate for disposal of spent cleaner.

"Yes, I really do this. I use varnish occasionally for furniture and doors. I then need to clean the brush. I have a water soluble paint cleaner for latex paint. That goes down the sewer from our laundry sink. I need the metal can because it says so on the can itself."

The can states "dispose of in metal container in accordance with local, state and federal regulations."

Clayton will take the full can to the hardware store

 where he bought it for disposal. If the owner is friendly, he will take it, and probably use it for charcoal fuel.

Geologist Discovers Aktun-Chen

Mexico, Yucatan -- Geologist Ben Miller, 42, visited Cancun with his wife Beth and their two children. The children were mainly interested in the beach, snorkeling and such. But Beth had studied the Mayan culture for half a year from books on her mini iPad. She directed them to all the pyramids and sites.

In the hotel lobby Ben spotted for a day tour of Aktun-Chen. He knew they had one rest day. When he showed the kids the zip line feature, Beth was immediately out voted three to one.

They set off and Beth decided to do the zip line and jungle tour too. "So the kids will be safe."

This left Ben to explore the underground river on his own. There was a snorkeling part too, but the kids were "all snorkeled out" for this trip.

"It's just lime stone. Many times the roofs of these underground rivers collapse. It still leaves a wonderful cistern for rain water and keeps the water during drought. I'm sure it's in one of them Maya books Beth has. It's all lime stone. So is everything here, including the pyramids."