Trump Sends Letter Openers to 50 States to Uncertify Electoral Votes

 The Electoral College is about to vote on Monday. President Trump was told there are a number of documents produced.

 One pair of original certificates is sent to the President of the Senate (Michael R. Pence)

  Two pairs of original certificates are sent to the Archivist, David S. Ferriero, c/o Office of the Federal Register (F) The Archivist holds one pair subject to the order of the President of the United States Senate in case the electoral votes fail to reach the Senate. The other pair is held by the Office of the Federal Register for public inspection for one year.

  Two pairs of certificates are sent by registered mail to the Secretary of State of each State, who holds one pair subject to the order of the President of the United States Senate in case the electoral votes fail to reach the Senate. 

 One pair of original certificates is sent to the Chief Judge of the Federal District Court located where the electors meet. It is held subject to the order of the President of the United States Senate or the Archivist of the United States in case the electoral votes fail to reach the Senate or the Archivist.

It was somehow lost to Trump at what point they become certified. The elections in all states have already been certified.

In the hopes that the elections can be thrown out after they "really, really look at all the stuff that went on," the President has sent all states two of his very own letter openers. These openers are to be used to open the letters, thus "uncertifying" them in his mind. One goes to the governor, one to the attorney general in each state. Mike Pence will helicopter a few of them to nearby states in Marine One and deliver them by hand.

A staff member was about to explain the word use to Trump. Documents that have not been certified or looked at could be called uncertified. But once they have been certified, they would then be decertified, if such a process exists. A colleague grabbed his sleeve and said "let it go. You know as well as I that these paper knife packages will all go directly to trash unopened."