Big Bang not alarmed by New Theory

Upstart young scientists in Egypt have made revolutionary new calculations. It all started with a lunch of rice and chicken at a Cairo café last summer that a professor and a doctoral student, Saurya Dashad, had. A few lines were written on the back of an electric bill. In weeks, Big Bang was completely gone. In their paper, Ali and Dashad started with equations developed in the 1950s by physicist Amal Kumar Raychaudhuri at Presidency University in Kolkata, India. These involved Bohmian trajectories.

 "The Big Bang singularity is the most serious problem of general relativity because the laws of physics appear to break down there," says Ahmed Farag Ali at Benha University and the Zewail City of Science and Technology. 

We reached Big Bang at his office. He had a $40 dollar Mr. Coffee machine and served Starbucks coffee during the 5 minute interview. "News of my death are greatly exaggerated." He is playing tennis to keep in shape. Of the new theory, he would comment other than to the mention of “gravity particles”, to which he commented “pah!”

"Ether" still appeared to be just a ghostly image of a pervasive medium throughout the universe. Although he too had an office. With tea in a pot.

The office titled Quantum Mechanics is currently unoccupied. The Cosmology director said they rarely hold on to the staff member for more than three weeks. He is always here and there, mostly gone.