Trump Orders Coronavirus to Stay in China

Donald Trump has come up with a solution to the coronavirus epidemic. All individuals of the virus are now ordered to stay in China by executive order.

Furthermore, all Americans will be removed from China. The executive order blocks the virus from entering Americans while we are doing this.

To determine that the virus is obeying Trump's strict orders, Rudy Giuliani will be shaking hands with all the Americans coming back home. Rudy will be tested every day, just in case one virus happens to make it to his hand from China. Rudy will also be using GermX hand cleaner once every hour.

Asked about viruses already infecting Americans and some Europeans such as Italians, Trump stated he has no authority to block viruses infecting foreigners. Those Americans already infected will have to suffer the consequences, as his order is not retroactive.