Area Hypochondriac Can't Get Out of COVID-19 Rut

Boston, MA -- Area hypochondriac Chris Matthews, 35, has been thinking about the pandemic a lot. In the days before that, he might have new symptoms every week. each disease was a neat new thing to study.

Now, he has some variable symptoms, but as soon as he coughs a few times, he thinks "coronavirus."

The other symptoms are there, and he does drift off to think of neurological causes. But when you add it all together, it always spells coronavirus.

Even clearing symptoms does not help. A few days of that, and Chris remembers that "you can have this virus for days and days and never have symptoms." The worst is, lack of symptoms and having the illness anyway produces no symptoms at all for him to enjoy for a few days. And what is a day without symptoms for a hypochondriac? A total loss.

Chris was worried enough for a while to call up the telephone number his insurance company gave him to call if he thought he had COVID-19. It went well enough when he described the symptoms. But then he was asked to go to drive through testing. Those people have seen sick people all day! No amount of hand sanitizer and masks would help Chris face this testing. Plus you would take the mask off to be swabbed. No way!